I was too free in office and end up here.
facebook? nth to do. can't play games.
youtube? cant watch videos too.
email? everyday check until no new emails for me to check liao.

Was planning my class schedule for coming semester.yess, u didnt see it wrongly. It's class schedule planning THIS EARLY!
this shows how free am i.
Things yet to do are actually a long list, but somehow it has to be done after working hours.
BUT..those things are all pending now, cuz I went out almost everyday instead of staying in room!

hmm. yes, i should not have chosen this path.
Haih, how much I have lost after choosing to work.
I have given up a lot of things, just to compensate for my working time and place.
am I regret? Yes, a little bit. cuz I really lost a lot a lot a lot of chance for me to learn and enjoy and experience meaningful life.

I really have to quiet myself, and ask myself: what do you want to do?

SEP, the main aim of my admission to NUS. That's why I'm holding on for it, cuz its my original purpose of studying in NUS, instead of local U with a good course.
But I seems to have forgetten who is the one leading me into this uni. Or afterall am I choosing this uni all up to my own benefit? Am I really following the way He wants me to go?

Why do I think of all these? As mentioned above, bcuz of work I lose a lot of chance of enjoying a meaningful life. What is the meaningful life? The life of serving Him, in His way, and His will.

What kind of life am i leading now? My own way, my own life. Earning money for SEP, for the expenses of travelling in another hemisphere on Earth. Maybe I shud question myself, is going SEP His will for me? Or serving Him is what He wants when He lead me into this uni?

In the bible camp AY08/09, I have realized the reason I was brought to NUS. And from then on I was active in CVCF, try my best to gain as much as possible as what He wanted.
However, I failed to commit myself in the committee, due to my insist to go SEP.
"It's my whole purpose of coming to NUS, why shud I give up the chance of going SEP?"
Perhaps this was the defending voice inside of me WHILE I was still dilemma-ing whether I shud give up SEP and go ahead for the committee.

One of all the things I didn't do was pray. Did I pray to Him and to seek the path He has prepared for me? Or simply I love myself more than I love Him, or simply I wanna lead my life in my own, without submitting myself to Him?

After attending the leadership workshop organized by our lovely FES gan shi"s", what matters is whether or not you are willing to do it. His will is actually so obvious that we should really put down ourselves and thoroughly submit to Him. What make us struggle is due to our weaknesses in faith and trust in Him, and our unwillingness.

Perhaps, His will for me in this uni is to see my ownself, my true colour and how sinful am i. He wants me to learn spiritually, grow spiritually and be a better prsn in His eyes.
Will it be too late for me to realize this? I know it won't, cuz He has grace upon everything.
What I mourn for, is the chance for me to grow to love Him more, and the chance He has originally given to me. I have lost the chance, and hv to go for alternative ways, which is also good for me but might not as good as the initials.

Dear Lord, please forgive my sins, and lead me through.