~BLeSsEd~

2011-06-13T07:36:00.000-07:00

望了望过去自己所写的post，总觉得自己真傻。老是写一样的东西。。。
自己看了都觉得好闷。
天真的我，或许都过去了。心中还是五味杂岑，但是人的心是无底洞，拥有了却要求更多。

社交网站真是一个好地方，可以随时随地与久违并遥远的朋友联络。
但是，它却勾起了我羡慕、妒忌的心。

我想，我的心愿是可以和好朋友一起到外国旅游。

2011-03-11T08:30:00.000-08:00

才没有几天。。我就开始想你了。
一直在担心你，一直在想没有对你说的话。
其实我可以做得更好的，只是一直以来，是我刻意不去做。。
原因很简单，也很复杂。

你的悲伤，我不能和你一直承担。
而这是我最难过的原因。
因为我永远忘不了，你在我怀里哭泣的那一瞬间。

对不起。

2011-03-10T09:51:00.000-08:00

我不长大，因为你。
因为有你依靠，有你照顾，有你疼。

我该长大，也因为你。
因为你的鼓励，你的劝告，你的提醒。

是时候，长大了。
我，其实正在长大了，只是不愿意。

你想了解的爱，其实我了解。
是我不对，因为我没有让你知道，也没有让你体会，真正的爱是什么。

一直以来我的心意没有变，
依然想陪伴你，
依然想帮你打扫房间，
依然想陪你散心，
一开始怎么样，现在也一样。
只是这一切都在心底。

2011-02-12T08:22:00.001-08:00

我的开心，渐渐地不见了。

我的疑惑，越来越多了。

我的位置在哪里？

我有那么小到看不见吗？

唉。事过境迁，人事已非。

不知道，我真的不知道。

恶魔，不要来找我，不要吞噬我。

不要再。让我难过。

2011-01-03T00:25:00.000-08:00

像是做梦一样，我仿佛从梦里回到了现实。
一切还是像从前一样。

2010-12-07T23:00:00.000-08:00

writing this entry I do not mean to say anything bad to canada. But in fact, yes, i am going to.
From the beginning of my journey to Canada till now, bad things do happen, and i do forget it so quickly. But think back, Canada, the country said to be safe and reliable..is not exactly true.
I'm not sure if it's the problem in West Canada, but i'm sure it is not as good as people paradise it.
From my experience,
1) Lost of camera
-obviously this is my own fault to leave my camera behind and got it lost. But if the canadian is honest enough, I could have get back my lovely camera from lost and found center.

2) Nearly cant get back to Calgary from US
-they don't believe me in what i said about the visa. A small chop that allows me to go US Canada thro and flow within half year.

3) West jet
-No refund of canceled booking. Well, this is my fault as i din read the terms and conditions well.

4) Outdoor activities rental
-deposit will be forfeited if i cancel a trip. Well done.

5) Camera
-camera again. No refund on camera i bought.
This is a long story. I bought it by confirming verbally with the sales prsn that there is international warranty for the camera. But it is not. The warranty is only for US Canada. Limited.
But the funniest thing is, he refuse me to refund, in fact refund policy is a big thing in Canada. Almost anywhere anything u buy can get a refund back. It's a consumer's right in Canada.
But this shop, this prsn, doesnt want to abide the law. Even after long hours of debating.
And I would think that he cheated me cuz he knows i'm not local.

So..western country safer? Not really. They too have the dark side. I would say, it's like the same thing it will happen in everywhere, be it Malaysia, India, China or western countries.
So. u get wat i mean? Labelling is just labelling. LOL
It's human heart that is the same. Everywhere.

2010-11-27T02:08:00.000-08:00

听着曹格的《丑角》仿佛听见你的心声。
因为曾经经历，所以特别有共鸣吗？
而是我，让你成了丑角吗？

2010-10-30T02:07:00.000-07:00

都已经两年了。
似乎过了很久，记忆也变淡了。
和他作过甚么，去过哪里，都忘了。
他的声音，他的样子。。迷糊了。
被伤过的感觉，也消失了。
唯一留下的，是空白。
仿佛像作了一场梦，场景、人物、感觉。。只有瞬间的记忆。
仿佛是真实的，又仿佛是假的。
最重要的是，就算再怎么努力，都回想不起细节，也想不起结局。
只剩下问号、空白、疑惑。

虽然如此，在我心里还是无法祝福。。他和她。

2010-10-04T00:48:00.000-07:00

人啊，真麻烦。

When you are alone, you feel lonely sometimes and hoping that your friends are by your side.

When you are with your friends, you feel like going off alone and hoping that your friends would not ever spoil your plan.

When you have more than one friends, you will feel great when all of them loves you, but you will feel worst when both of them got faced-off.

When you have more than one gang of friends, you will always have place to go and people to hang out with, but you will always got into dilemma when those gangs invite you out on the same day, especially same time. What more if these gangs got faced-off.

People like you when you are likable, but dislike you when you are not, especially when you are out of frequency.

That's the reason why I miss my friends in Singapore so much, especially CVCF brothers and sisters.
Because we are love, and to be loved, regardless of what you are, and who you are.
Because this place needs love, the gangs need love, and deep inside my heart,
needs love.

2010-09-19T00:33:00.001-07:00

海里的记忆

08/09

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

回忆总是停留在我的脑袋我们曾经的愉快

收起来丢进了大海

再也找不回来

你曾经说过把你忘怀

会有下一个人来满足我的期待

Chorus

*你的无可取代你为何走开

对你的信任与依赖让我更加受伤害

你的无可取代再也找不到人来期待

温柔与关怀那个人已不再

很多人像你一样对待

却再也不能让我心安依赖

repeat*

Bridge

已经没有未来不需要在等待没有来疼爱

你的自私我明白不会再怪你的离开

repeat*

Chorus2

你的无可取代你为何走开

对你的信任与依赖让我更加受伤害

你的无可取代你已选择慢慢地走开

再也不能回来只有放手让你离开

其实我从没有释怀我不值得你去爱

yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

偶然间想起这首歌，还有一起搭档的人，还有那一段难忘的经历。

2010-07-18T06:50:00.000-07:00

每个人心中都有一个恶魔。
最近的我，脾气变坏了，变得小心眼，变得很邪恶。
常常看不过许多事情，然后就用那种不是冷淡的眼神，就是不耐烦的表情对人。

对那些接受了我这些种种不好待遇的人，在这里向你们道歉。
我知道我不能再让这个邪恶的心继续在我心中溜达。
这样的我，不要说身边的人，连我自己也很讨厌。
因为这样子自己会变得很不开心。

不知道是不是情绪不稳定，最近都作了恶梦。
我想，我还没有完完全全、彻彻底底地把那个人忘记吧。

真讨厌。。。很想让他的踪影都不要出现在我眼前。
虽然事情都过去一年多了，而我也走出了阴霾。。但是后遗症似乎还环绕着我。
不是我不要去克服，但是这些后遗症是悄悄来袭，毫无预警的。

解铃还须系铃人。。（wow the chinese typing tool can spell out this idiom!)
或许心中的疑惑及误会揭开，才是解除后遗症的最佳方法吧。
时间来淡化。。是一种办法。
但是，我经历的这些后遗症，他知道吗？

2010-07-14T08:47:00.001-07:00

I'm tired right now.

Did nth but feel sleepy.

I need ppl to trust in me. If not, I'm doing things for nth..

I hope ppl notice it, instead of searching for a better.

Cuz I didn;t simply do it but instead spending much effort; and i'm awaiting for you to agree with, or comment on it.

But all i got is..nth?

yea. trust me and u wouldn;t get lost.

Perhaps, I just don't know how to advertise myself.

2010-06-25T09:35:00.000-07:00

好几个post都没有用华文写了。哈哈。。华文还是我比较prefer表达自己的语言。。。

没什么特别的。只是最近心情容易闷闷的，容易恶魔。
因为问号还是问号。

office的年轻妈妈们常常在午餐时间出去逛街，回来都是大小包，而且有时还会在小房间里互相讨论一番。great singapore sales, 吸引的正是这一群熟女。
比较上了年纪的都埋头苦干；年轻的就在努力赚钱（就是我咯）

但是刚才吃过晚餐后在citylink mall 走了一圈，和victoria到了一间全店一律新币十五块的服装店。
因为贪玩拿了几件试了一试，结果发现自己真得满适合那一类的衣服，有蠢蠢欲动的感觉！
哎呀，T杉显得自己太邋遢了！
所以其实心底已经起了想扮美美的念头，要把collared t和长裤取代！

哎。迷失啊，迷失。哈哈

常常羡慕别人是不好的吧。
常常做自己没有很想做的是，然后想做得都没有做，是不好的吧。

就是背了太多的心愿，流星才会跌得那么重。

2010-06-23T02:14:00.000-07:00

This question came into my mind: What makes us EMO?
The reason this came across is bcuz I'm emo out of sudden, with no reason.
Is it bcuz my life is simply too simple, too routine, too boring?

Is this true that ppl will easily get lost when everything comes normal and normal.
Do i like all the crock ups that happen in my life?
Or do I just like to stay alone and enjoy movies, dramas 24-7 without rest?

I'm restless. Emo. Bored. >.<
Facebook-checkmail-blogging-read newspaper-read books-daydreaming-eating-
Life gets bored so easily when u realize it never end, just like food.
Mee, meehoon, rice, bread; coffee, tea, milo, milk.......................
Even there's a lot choices it became bored when it is available to you everyday.

I don't like this feeling. The nausea feeling of food and activities and places thaat surround me everyday.
I yearn for break-thru---->try new food, new taste, new activities, new environment..that might enlighten me perhaps.

Perhaps is this boredomness, this free-for-nothing period is when I can start thinking of what is in my mind.

But thr's a voice in my mind telling that:"don't forget, you're blessed and you have everything you need. Nothing bad for you to being normal. Persevere. "

Give a smile to yourself. Hold on, keep on.

2010-06-15T00:17:00.001-07:00

This is the lesson I learnt today, after so many days of unfaithfulness, which I don't even realize it myself.

Quote from the bible.com
"Dear Heavenly Father, I do thank you for Your goodness to me. Lord, help me to guard my mouth so that those things that are edifying and good will come out and not those things that contribute to a negative lifestyle. May I bless others with my tongue and never be guilty of cursing anyone. Let my words be gracious and may they bring healing to others. Let my words be kind and gentle and loving. May I reflect Your goodness in all that I do. Forgive me when I say the wrong things. Let me speak and pray the Word of God over my life and others. Give us all grace to say things that bring life into this world."

Yes, I thought it is ok to have said all the negative words to show how pathetic is my life and I complain for anything to gain sympathy, to be in the others by talking in their way.

I'm wrong. I always thought that what i said is actually not from my heart cuz I was not thinking the way I'm saying.
But I was wrong. The bible says that the things that come out of our mouths actually reveal the things that are in our hearts. We all occasionally speak things that we should not speak; however, the things that we speak in abundance are the things in our hearts.

Yes, time to check on myself - "what r u doin?"
Do every word I said bless ppl or just add-on frustration on them?
Do every word I said pleased God?

Yes i have not been thinking all these. And pathetically I came to realize these when bad things happen to me. I came to look upon Him only when troubles come.

All I can do is ask Him for forgiveness and grace to grant me the strength and the way. I would want to ask for a miracle, but everything is on His hand and He will give me what is best for me.
Thank you Father.

2010-06-04T10:56:00.000-07:00

Boy meets girl是一本好书。你一定要看。

因为浓浓的雾会因为这本书的内容而散去。

安静，就是力量。安静，其实没有不好。

2010-05-26T19:16:00.001-07:00

I was too free in office and end up here.
facebook? nth to do. can't play games.
youtube? cant watch videos too.
email? everyday check until no new emails for me to check liao.

Was planning my class schedule for coming semester.yess, u didnt see it wrongly. It's class schedule planning THIS EARLY!
this shows how free am i.
Things yet to do are actually a long list, but somehow it has to be done after working hours.
BUT..those things are all pending now, cuz I went out almost everyday instead of staying in room!

hmm. yes, i should not have chosen this path.
Haih, how much I have lost after choosing to work.
I have given up a lot of things, just to compensate for my working time and place.
am I regret? Yes, a little bit. cuz I really lost a lot a lot a lot of chance for me to learn and enjoy and experience meaningful life.

I really have to quiet myself, and ask myself: what do you want to do?

SEP, the main aim of my admission to NUS. That's why I'm holding on for it, cuz its my original purpose of studying in NUS, instead of local U with a good course.
But I seems to have forgetten who is the one leading me into this uni. Or afterall am I choosing this uni all up to my own benefit? Am I really following the way He wants me to go?

Why do I think of all these? As mentioned above, bcuz of work I lose a lot of chance of enjoying a meaningful life. What is the meaningful life? The life of serving Him, in His way, and His will.

What kind of life am i leading now? My own way, my own life. Earning money for SEP, for the expenses of travelling in another hemisphere on Earth. Maybe I shud question myself, is going SEP His will for me? Or serving Him is what He wants when He lead me into this uni?

In the bible camp AY08/09, I have realized the reason I was brought to NUS. And from then on I was active in CVCF, try my best to gain as much as possible as what He wanted.
However, I failed to commit myself in the committee, due to my insist to go SEP.
"It's my whole purpose of coming to NUS, why shud I give up the chance of going SEP?"
Perhaps this was the defending voice inside of me WHILE I was still dilemma-ing whether I shud give up SEP and go ahead for the committee.

One of all the things I didn't do was pray. Did I pray to Him and to seek the path He has prepared for me? Or simply I love myself more than I love Him, or simply I wanna lead my life in my own, without submitting myself to Him?

After attending the leadership workshop organized by our lovely FES gan shi"s", what matters is whether or not you are willing to do it. His will is actually so obvious that we should really put down ourselves and thoroughly submit to Him. What make us struggle is due to our weaknesses in faith and trust in Him, and our unwillingness.

Perhaps, His will for me in this uni is to see my ownself, my true colour and how sinful am i. He wants me to learn spiritually, grow spiritually and be a better prsn in His eyes.
Will it be too late for me to realize this? I know it won't, cuz He has grace upon everything.
What I mourn for, is the chance for me to grow to love Him more, and the chance He has originally given to me. I have lost the chance, and hv to go for alternative ways, which is also good for me but might not as good as the initials.

Dear Lord, please forgive my sins, and lead me through.

2010-03-24T12:34:00.000-07:00

再一次，到了曾经熟悉到不能熟悉的地方。
虽然多了点陌生，
还有。。想念。

那里还是那么地乱，东西还是东一点西一点。。
杯子、盘子还是一样没有洗。
但是和以前比起来，东西少了很多。

有多久没有到这里了，
有多久没有帮他收拾了。
还记得以前傻到常常把那里收拾得干干净净，
有一次还被骂，因为把东西都收到不懂那里去了。

那里的温度，那里的灯光。。一点一滴，都仍存在我记忆里。
想念啊，真的好想念。
更想念那位每次一开门就会看到的人。

把在地上凌乱的衣服都挂好，
把堆满桌子的纸巾都丢到垃圾桶里，
把东西都排得整整齐齐。。
把杯子和碗都洗干净，
把大大的水壶和热水瓶都装满。。
把床单和枕头、被都铺好。。。
把我的思念都放进去了。

希望，他一开了门，嘴角是笑着的。

好想好想。
想得眼泪都掉下来了。

2010-02-21T08:57:00.000-08:00

还是来到这里了。
会来到这里，都是因为有说不出的话，发泄不了的情绪。。

疑惑，疑惑，疑惑。
满脑子疑惑。。。

新年到了，去朋友家拜年，开始想：意义何在？
上门，打招呼，坐下，吃饼、喝水，各聊各的；
拿红包，走人？

昔日好友，如今在何方？
在facebook看见聚会时拍的照片，才知道他们聚过，
心里做何感想？
“怎么没叫我？”
岁月不饶人，曾几何时，我已不在那一群好友团的通讯录里了。
难道要自找上门？

显然的，昔日好友的生活方式已不同，或者说得白一点，我和他们已不再投契。
是我的问题吗？
自拍、疯狂地唱k，讲冷笑话，打通宵麻将。。
这些他们消遣的方式，是因为我融不进而被拒于门外吗？
昔日的我，曾经疯狂地唱k，疯狂地大笑，疯狂地做许多疯狂的事。
是我变了吗？变得纳闷、变得不会玩？变得放不开？

常常会想，我到底是谁，是什么样的人，是什么样的性格。
为什么总是跟不上人的调调？
不跟潮流，不常联络人。。
我，或许越来越孤僻了吧。
但是我怕寂寞，我喜欢和朋友开开心心地聊天。那种非常投契，不做作，不客套的聊天。
羡慕别人多精彩，别人多常在一起聚一聚，又能怎样呢。
很想成为这样一个gang的一分子，但是都没有吧。
认识的人虽然多，真正死心塌地的死党，五根手指头算算有得找。

或许不该再耿耿于怀了吧。

昔日的情人，直至如今仍然携着程咬金到处去。
挺恩爱的嘛。
虽然说我自己已了解爱情观，
疑惑的是，为什么他们还是那么快乐那么幸福？
疑惑的是，为什么我的心还是会揪一下？

疑惑，
身在世界上，怎样才能活在这个世界，却不被这个世界所影响？

对未来，充满了疑惑。
但是这一次，空虚感并没有降临。
虽然头脑还是会空白。
但是心里住了耶稣，就不空了。

害怕

2010-02-07T09:41:00.000-08:00

好害怕。
下一步该如何。

2010-01-24T09:00:00.001-08:00

愿以为自己不会再emo了，但是人就是人。还是会有不开心的时候。
草丛里的蛇，不只是一个，而是两个。
没有一方，想要惊动，而我何尝不是呢。
从来没有想过自己会陷入这样的境况，真希望自己不会再跌到。

温柔，关怀，爱。
在世界上还找得到吗。
开心的日子，只有注定短暂吗?

我还在期待什么。
该面对的，还是得面对；逃避有用吗。
变了，回不去了吗。

亲爱的魔术师啊，请你告诉我魔术后面的真相吗？

2010-01-09T07:52:00.000-08:00

好难忘的假期啊！
那种心情是无法用笔墨形容的。
虽然说，想在这个假期和朋友去旅行这个愿望没有达成，
但是我却在这个假期得到了人生的收获，是我从来没有想过的。
此时此刻的心情是很复杂的，也不知道在挣扎什么。
或许是不想离开这一段时间吧。
根据DISC性格测试的结果，我这种性格的人呢，是不喜欢改变的。
这一点我非常非常地认同。
因为现在的心情就是舍不得，不想改变。我想大多数人当然不想开学，喜欢假期吧。

这个假期，我的人生有了转变。
像梦一样，所有的事情就好像在昨天发生一样，但似乎又非常遥远。
去年同一个时期，我的人生跌至低谷，是我人生中最痛苦的时刻。
在那之后，虽然慢慢复原，却还是跌跌撞撞。。。
一直在寻找人生的目标，以及自己的位置。
一直在比较，埋怨。。

但是，我现在知道属于自己的位置在哪里了。
但对未来，我还是抱着些许的疑惑，些许的不安。
但是，我知道怎么样才能不再偏离，那个从前非常有自信，及确定自己人生方向的我。
我在天上的父，在他身边，就是我的位置。

我，成长了。不再是那个不愿长大的我。
或许多了些大人的忧伤、复杂，少了一些天真；但是，这就是我必须去面对的。
我不能再任性地，过自己想过的，而不去寻找神在我生命中的旨意。

那个在心中的结，终于打开了，我也不在乎了。因为有更重要的事，是我必须更加专注于的。
这一年，我许下了一个愿望。
从来都没有那么坚定过，比在form6时设立进NUS为目标的那个愿望还坚定。
我，要越来越亲近我的神，要越来越认识他，要越来越知道他为我的人生所预备的道路。
我也要好好的为他来作见证。
我不要再像之前那样，体贴自己，只顾自己的生活，把神的话放在一边。No。
因为他是真神，他是那位无条件爱我的神。

看过这个blog entry的朋友们，愿神祝福你。我希望我在耶稣基督里感受到的爱与喜乐，你们也能够经历。=）

2009-12-19T08:45:00.000-08:00

或许那个结，永远都打不开了。
如果能打开的话，早就打开了。
而这个结，似乎只对我有影响罢了。

一心追逐着许许多多不同的位置，心想那些都比我现在拥有的还好。
但是，当心一花了，或是失去焦点的时候，
常常发现自己陷入迷失中，找不到自己的位置。
最后连一开始拥有的那个位置，也失去了。
似乎做什么，我都已经没有判断好坏的能力了。
盲目地做，为了做而做。

唉。

2009-12-06T09:20:00.000-08:00

你走了太久一定很累　他錯了不該你來面對
離開他就好就算了心情很乾脆

他其實沒有那麼絕對　遠一點你就看出真偽
離開他不等於你的世界會崩潰
轉個彎你還能飛

就別再為他流淚　別再讓他操控你的傷悲
就算有一點愚昧一點點後悔　也不要太狼狽
他不值得你的淚　把那遺憾丟在大雨的街
你曾在迷失的旅途中盲目追　以後為自己醉
(Ending: 以後管他是誰)

每段感情都非常珍貴　他的好你就放在心扉
記得有個人曾讓你那樣的心碎

你笑了照亮夜幕的黑　什麼夢都不比你的美
多少年以後想起他還有些體會　那時你已無所謂

就別再為他流淚　別再讓他操控你的傷悲
就算有一點愚昧一點點後悔　也不要太狼狽
他不值得你的淚　把那遺憾丟在大雨的街
你曾在迷失的旅途中盲目追　以後為自己醉
(Ending: 以後管他是誰)

2009-11-08T08:20:00.000-08:00

温暖，是什么。
距离，又是什么。
真心的付出，他看得到吗？他会珍惜吗？
还是要在失去时才觉悟。

那种从心底里付出的，能得到回报吗。

温暖，似乎好遥远。
有时候觉得自己好傻，为什么付出那么多。
不见得别人就为你着想。

从来不拒绝，却老是被拒。

怎么觉得，他想阵风，想来就来，想走就走。
而自己总是留恋，总是不舍。
赔上自己的时间、金钱，为博君一笑。
但自己却又得到了什么。

那瞬间的关怀吗？那短暂的温暖吗？

为什么，就得不到那永久又有保障的笑容呢？
为什么，他眼里不会只有我呢。

为什么好不容易，下定决心要靠自己，
他又却阻止了我呢。

很想很想，不要再做这样的奴隶，讨厌这样以别人为中心的自己。

是不是不要付出那么多，失望就不会那么大。

是不是不要付出太多的真心，就不那么容易伤心。

不知道会不会有一天，当我不那么依赖他时，
会不会就不在乎了。

2009-11-05T16:59:00.000-08:00

don't take things for granted.
珍惜身边的每件事，不要认为那些人、事、物都会一直在。
转身看看在你身边的人，他们在等着你去关怀、去爱护呢。

我，目不转睛地看着一个人，但是，我的存在常常被忽略。
是我期望太高，以为自己有多重要，
还是现实就是这样。

当你想到那个人时才会理他，而没有想到的时候，就忘记在脑后。
人，真的是这样势利的生物吗？
想到你，就来摸摸你的头，不想你时什么简直把你当透明。
可以利用的时候，就会来关照你，没有利用价值的时候，就把你抛在脑后。

转过头来，慰问一下你身边的人吧。要不然你可能失去它了你也不知道，就算知道了，你也不知道为什么。

2009-09-27T07:06:00.000-07:00

迷失中。。。
又忘了自己是谁。。
是因为，太多想做的没做吗？是因为太多期待的事没有发生吗？
不想读书，什么都不想去想。

常常问自己，请问我做的每件事都是自己想做的吗？
还是，我又没有想做的事？
有啊，但是都没有时间去做。

想去旅行，想找找朋友，想去听一场很棒的交响音乐会；
想换个发型，想去看一场电影，想去k歌；
想去游泳，想去打打球；
想要除去烦恼，想要开心。

原来我心中未完成的事情那么多。

读书，ca, cca。每次出门都是带着书本，笔记。
很想有一次出门，是完全没有书本的，洒脱地逛街。

人生不如意事十之八九，
脆弱中的脆弱，算什么呢。
或许是我的潜意识在抗议，让我不能专注，让我继续浪费时间。
或许，我该让我自己休息，
让我自己远离一切的声音；那反复在我脑海里出现的声音，
让我自己远离一切不愉快；那一直汹涌而至的情绪。

好希望，自己可以逃到另一个世界；
一个让可以找到真正的我的世界。

迷失的感觉，真的很不好。

2009-08-10T06:24:00.000-07:00

难以用言语来形容的感觉。
现在的我，五味杂参。
多过三个月的时间，我到底是靠什么来熬过来的。
还记得那段时间里，我留了多少泪，伤心了多少次。发了多少次脾气。
不同人不同性格，不同的意见，不同的脾气。
什么时候该坚持，什么时候该放手，说真的我到现在还是不懂。
只知道，颜色的差别我还蛮敏感的，不，应该是说更敏感了。
懂得怎么调色，懂得怎么上色，懂得怎么喷漆，懂得如何点缀一样普通平凡的东西。
其实学到了很多美术上的东西，又学会了用cs3。虽然不是很厉害用啦。
从一开始懵懵懂懂进了design team的我，到不敢下手画设计图的我，到现在至少懂得一点点的要求，懂得自己想要什么的我，其实成长不少。因为我也有属于自己的设计风格，审美观，见解。我有自己的坚持，因为很多东西，我是从它零开始就解除了的。
讲了一丢高深莫测的话，其实我也不知道自己在讲什么。
只知道在float里要忍耐，要互相包容，互相帮忙。而大家都是朝着一个目标前进的。
虽然在过程中，会想要放弃，也觉得彷徨无助，更觉得没有人在帮我。
但是，这一切都熬过了。不管有没有人看见我的付出，有没有人注重我的付出，成就感还是在的。
至少我的付出，加上其他人百分之百的努力，换来了我们梦寐以求的荣誉。
曾经和大家比较过，甚至常常觉得自己做的不够多。
虽然身在wmp team里，但是自己常常因为其它岗位的工作而mia.

对了，wmp team，是我在float team里的一大收获吧。有了michelle和文浩这两位好朋友的陪伴，float production时还真的蛮有乐趣的。
或许他们俩不懂，我是非常重视我们这个team的。我们的工作量也算蛮大的，必须cover所有鲸鱼的surface，油了不知道几片single coro,又割了无数次，见了无数次，排了无数次。。。
我们的工作是满有趣但也蛮无聊的。想象我们反复的剪剪贴贴一片蓝蓝的scales，qc不知道多少片这些scales, 也按颜色分类了不知多少次。有时候，还会做到眼睛痛。哈哈
为了让我们效率更快，我们仨人都会来个比赛，惩罚或奖赏都非常富有推动力。
第一次的奖赏是，输的人必须请其他人吃mcD; 第二次则是输的人必须把剩下的部分全部做完。
我们三人还会一起挤进门槛，有一个很丑的logo,还有一个team pose.哈哈
说真的，要不是有文浩和michelle他们的陪伴，还有每次帮我这个乌龟的忙，我恐怕撑下去也是一身疲惫。

当然，我不是说和其他人不好啦。大家都算蛮熟悉了，怎样讲所有人都天天相处了超过十二个小时的时间。在比赛当天的最后五个小时也一起冲到最后。
赢了比赛，一切不愉快地都过去了，而留下的除了冠军荣誉，就是友情了！

michelle，从一开始对你感到陌生和不大熟悉到现在的友好，是我最大的收获。u're helpful and playful!哈哈。平时我们三人打打闹闹地，你有时也会笑我弄得满身脏兮兮。一起合作的最后几天，谢了。

文浩啊，你也是我另一个收获。喜欢吃mcD和疯狂爱上coke的一个白痴。人好到可以让七八个人的东西堆满自己的房间，连走路和睡觉的位子都差不多没了。搬家的时候，还一个人走了几十轮把所有人的行李一起搬去自己的新房，再堆过。常常请我和michelle吃mcflurry,常常像傻弊一样的搞笑，更常用他的超高音唱歌。
谢谢你，因为你常常帮我做那些比较危险的工作。
还欠你一餐mcD。

christina, 我也要感谢你。即使我知道在作某些东西是你是很不愿意的，但是你还是默默地做完了。也谢谢你当时qc了那几千万片的scales，也帮我sort out那些肉眼有点难分出来的蓝色scales. 一开始你也是在我们mp team里的。我相信你也有几分难过，因为不能在我们的team里。但是，我还是爱你的哦！

最后一个超级重要人物，非。
你是那个唯一看到我一身委屈，一脸哭泣，一脸受气的人。你是那个每一次都会接我肩膀的人，每一次都会帮我擦眼泪的人。谢谢你。

kenovo, i love you.
kevii, i love you.

2009-07-22T13:03:00.000-07:00

以前，我为别人伤心的时候，你都会安慰我。你都会唱那首歌给我听。
但是现在，当我因为你伤心的时候，谁来安慰我呢，谁来唱那首歌给我听呢。

2009-05-24T08:40:00.000-07:00

最近有好多深刻的感觉都想快点纪录下来，终于有个机会好好写了。

我的二十一岁生日，虽然没有大肆庆祝，但却充满着满满的感动与温馨。
有许多在乎我的人，都送上了祝福，也有从来没有忘记我生日的老朋友，专程跑到我家来送我生日礼物；也有特地大老远从家里回到hall来陪我度过生日的christina。。。
爱我的，在乎我的人，有这么多，二十一岁的我，还有什么好伤心的？
从来没有这样度过生日；
走在大街上，看着五颜六色的灯饰，看着城市的天空，看着来来往往的人和车子。

大概是七点左右吧，我和他到了shopping centre..
逛了逛几圈，去试了鞋子，试了衣服。
他似乎想买很多东西给我，似乎想把全世界都送给我。
又带我去吃好吃的sushi。。=）寿司拿了一盘又一盘，
然后就一个一个地把它们送入口中。。超好吃的！
让我到现在都无法忘记它美味的应该是加了mayo的生鱼片寿司吧！大大口吃下去的时候，真的很幸福 =）

哈哈。好像露出了我贪吃的模样了 =p
吃了晚餐，逛了逛，他带我到clark quake去走走。
那里是个很有情调的地方。在我第一次去的时候，虽然是带着伤心的心情，但是心里却希望有一天能和自己喜欢的人一起在那里走走。
我们走啊走，从街头走到街尾，找着他口中的jazz bar。
横跨河流的那座桥，蓝蓝的灯在桥的两旁照着。
一步一步走在桥上，他哼着生日歌，又对我微微笑。。那一刻，眼泪都差一点彪出来了。。。
那分感动，是多么地深刻，那份心意与诚意，就是让我留在他身边的理由。

还有好多东西想写下来。。但是，我累了。
最后一句非常想写的，就是我终于走出悲伤了。
前天见到他的时候，除了有点遗憾，除了想与他做回朋友以外，想哭的感觉没有了。
这件事情似乎已经过了很久，实际上的确是。
因为时间久了，都淡忘了。但我觉得更重要的是，他被取代了。
那一天，特别想念在度假的他。因为想告诉他，另一个他已经完全从我心中及生命消失了。
而他是我现在最在乎的人，是那个在我心中的人。

非，谢谢你，让我重新看见晴天。

生日快乐

2009-05-18T22:50:00.000-07:00

今年的生日，又再一次地，在房里度过。。。。
但是昨天还玩得蛮开心的。
至少还有darling christina陪我。嘿嘿！！

2009-05-09T04:08:00.000-07:00

finals终于算是告一段落了！
虽然不是很想像上次那样来个semester评估，但是人总是得从错误中学习的！
嗯，虽然这个学期没有早上八点的课，但是我还是在其他时间的课打瞌睡。
咳。。下午晚上都好，总之我也不知道我是怎样啦，那么眼睡。
这学期拿的module都蛮有趣的，虽然一直处于懵懵懂懂的状态，但还是蛮享课程内容的。
我还是一样，都不预习也不复习，练习也没什么做到。但是，finals的时候算是有尽心尽力吧！
常常跑到library读书，结果就习惯在那里温习了。或许library安静，又有很大张的桌子，视野也很宽阔，身边的所有人都在埋头苦干，不知不觉自己也变得勤劳了。
不管成绩如何，再过三个月就到了我在nus的第二个年头了。就变senior 了。
最近则忙着float 的事情。其实自己也不知道会选择进入design team，明明自己比较熟悉的是像artist这样剪剪贴贴的工作。或许想挑战自己吧，更贴切的说，想学东西。因为自己喜欢设计东西，喜欢画画。但是因为对美术绘画不是很厉害，想象力又是离谱地慢，在design team确实是有点吃力。在配色方面也不怎么懂。自己有没有勤劳去做功课。
有时在其他人面前，自己都有点自卑，尤其是当大家都在讨轮很多美术上的事情时。
不过幸亏anthony老大分配给我的角色是负责performance方面的。
这一方面我还蛮熟悉的，也有那么一点经验。但是还是很有挑战性，因为要和在舞台表演这方面颇有经验的Fan合作。希望自己真的能够在float里尽自己所能。。。
有点语无伦次。。。

让我照顾你

2009-04-07T09:30:00.000-07:00

坐在我身旁你的心伤不懂我也不想
但你的眼泪下在我心脏
回家的太阳红着眼眶心疼你的模样
影子的悲伤也变得更长
昨天谁让你受过伤
今天想要让你都遗忘

是你爱你让我变得更强
为你战斗永不投降
让我照顾你我要让雨停出太阳
我超越我自己的想象
风雨刀枪能为你挡
让我照顾你让你未来放在我身上

新的冷笑话巧克力糖开始为你收藏
最近连睡觉手机也在手上
幻想着未来满头白发公园的长椅上
你也许会说一声谢谢我
如果这一生到尽头
换你的这句话很足够

是你爱你让我变得更强
为你战斗永不投降
让我照顾你我要让雨停出太阳
我超越我自己的想象
风雨刀枪能为你挡
让我照顾你为你失去生命也辉煌

这是他每一次在我伤心的时候，唱给我听的一首歌。

2009-04-04T08:58:00.000-07:00

终于回到家了。虽然只有两个周末，但是这代表我在新加坡三个星期了！
回到家真的感觉轻松多了。步伐也慢下来了。家，还是最温暖的。
想到那个宿舍，那个学校。虽然不是说不好，但是，就是没有家好。
或许，在那里，生活节奏太快，高楼大厦太多，压力也多。
每天关在小小的房间里，面对墙壁，面对电脑。不知不觉压力都来了。
这两个星期都忙着功课，也没时间出去走走。好闷好闷。
想念那种无忧无虑逛街的感觉，想念我家的电视机，想念我家的钢琴，
想念让人看了又哭又笑的戏剧。
想念电影院，想念redbox, neway。想念以前一起玩，一起读书的朋友。
成人的世界，真的很孤单。看似精彩，却又暗淡。
学者独立，却不想独立。学者接受，却顽固地想反驳。

回到家了，想去jusco走一圈，但是想到没有人陪，就显了。
不知道是不是因为压力，这几天心情都闷闷的。
前几天还因为想家流了眼泪，听着伤心的歌，鼻子也酸了。
突然很想念，那个很久没有和他说话的他。
分手那天开始，就再也没有和他说话了。
不知道他的近况，不知道他的一切一切。
我应该习惯了没有他的世界了，我必须习惯。
或许，如果我不要那么固执，就主动和他说话，和他做朋友，现在心里不会那么不好受了。
但是我做不到。我还是会想起他说过的话，他怎么样地离开我。
那种感觉，突然之间又很深刻。
听到之前常听的悲歌，仿佛心情又再被煽动着。
我做不到，我不能够以朋友的身份面对他。
我执著什么？为什么那么久了，还是不能放下？

那个伤或许太深了，就算复原了，还是留下一道深深的疤痕。
再次看到他，他会驾车了。现在的他，和以前的他，好像不一样了。长大了。
他人生的转折点，我已经没有分参与了。遗憾。。
想念他的温柔，想念他以前对我的好。想念他对我的微笑，和他看着我的眼神。
不敢面对他，是因为现在的笑，现在的眼神已经不一样了。
在我内心深处，我想我还是不想改变的。
不仅是他，也包括了我的生活，我的环境，我的朋友，我自己。
这一切是那么地真实，有时却又觉得虚假。
或许因为往家里和学校跑，两个不同的地方，不同的文化，不同的语言，不同的人，不同的环境。。。
会有点不平衡吧？

不想回去学校，却也不想呆在家里。
不想回学校，因为压力得让人喘不过气来。
不想呆在家，因为只会让我想到伤心的过往。
虽然现在正在慢慢建立新的未来，
但是此刻的我，正被过往拉着。
或许，我不该再往回看了。
拉着我的人，再拉紧着我好吗。让我没有机会回头看，让我只看到前面，和现在。

非，如果你看到的话，对不起。

2009-04-03T19:49:00.000-07:00

哇！好久都没有写东西了。
最近太忙了。都忙着assignments, CAs。
最近有个很大的感叹，因为整个学期里，只有上个星期和这个星期的lectures，我是完全清醒的！唉！是所有的module的lectures哦！
能够专注地上课，真的和以前眼睡的状况不一样！学到很多东西，也觉得lecture很有趣。
但是，这么迟才清醒，有点太迟了。已经是week 10,11了。前面大部分的都lost掉了。
哈哈。
但是我还是非常喜欢那些module我拿过的。似乎所有东西都可以link在一起，
就bio part, geography part and astronomy part.在freshman seminar里所有东西都被聚集了。
蛮高兴得。哈哈因为真的很有趣。astrobiology对我来说真的是一个非常有趣的topic!!
哈哈。

2009-03-14T10:03:00.000-07:00

简单，真的有那么困难吗？
我发现自己越来越在乎某些事情了。
我不要这样的我。因为只会让自己苦。
还以为自己不会拘小节了，或是看开了放下自己的要求。
因为在乎了，所以变沉重，变得复杂。
试着告诉自己，不要想太多，不要把事情复杂化。
但是为什么我就是控制不了，还是往坏的层面去想了。
只要稍微有变化，我就接受不来。这样的我，我讨厌，我不喜欢。
对不起，我又陷入了那个迷失的世界发呆了。

2009-02-20T00:48:00.000-08:00

好久都没有写东西了。
可能习惯写的都是伤心的事情。
其实今天在这里，是想告诉我亲爱的朋友说，我珍惜你们。
老实说从前的我，最好的朋友都是男生。
我可以一个女生和一群男生常常出去，一起去补习一起去玩。
从前的我，和女生说话都很客气，就算我用像现在这样白痴的pattern去和她们聊天，总觉得有距离感，总觉得她们的frequency is not the same as me.
因为常常我是那个自己讲，自己笑的人。虽然我知道她们并没有不理我，甚至觉得我是个会使身边的人开心的人，
但是，我总是走不进她们的世界。她们一群好朋友，好像已经再也容不下多一个我。
对，好朋友是轮不到我的。
甚至有时候和女生朋友说话会很小心，不会太粗鲁地，因为怕他们会觉得我烦。
为什么我又会有那么多好的男生朋友呢？
我喜欢和中六那班的男生在一起，是因为大家都一样废。
大家都喜欢讲笑话，也会一起哈哈大笑。有心事的时候，也聊得开。
我的前男友其实非常不喜欢我这样，而因为他，我在nus时会和男生保持适当的距离。

从来没有想过，自己在nus可以认识到这么多这么关心我的好朋友，注意哦，是好的女生朋友。
所以我很珍惜，真的。
虽然在这里我不提你们的名字，但是你们所给我的关心和感动，非常地让我震撼与感恩。
你们真的很关心我，也没有想过你们对我的爱是那么地多。我，受宠若惊。
你们的付出虽然是看不见的，但是却可以深深地感觉的到。
每一天每一天，我都试着维持我们的感情，也让自己赶快振作起来，不让你们担心。
因为有你们的爱与鼓励，我怎么能够再沉到当初黑暗的世界里呢。
谢谢你们，我爱你们（有点肉麻）
而且我也希望，不会有任何事情会把我们的距离拉远。
我会一直牵着线，你们也不能放手哦。
因为你们给的感动，是我一直紧握着的。
就算现在的我好了，希望大家的关心还常在。

Mafer, christina,huimin, elaine还有很多很多。。。谢谢你们。

2009-02-11T22:37:00.000-08:00

十字路口的中间，到底该向左走，还是向右走？

2009-02-10T05:37:00.000-08:00

看了mafer写给我的blog,真的很感动。
在这里，大家都对我好好，都很关心我。虽然她们都不曾问起，但是静静地陪伴，或是简单地找我去吃饭之类的，都让我感觉到他们的爱。
我没有失去什么，因为我得到的更多了。
mafer的blog 里说了她想带欢乐给所有人的使命。
这让我想起了从前的我，那个和她一样想把快乐带给所有人的我。
从前的我常常对朋友的一举一动非常敏感，只要他们一皱眉，我都非常地担心，都会想与他们分担他们不开心的事。甚至会当起辅导员开导他们。
从前的我总是尽力去关心、去关怀身边的人。。
现在的我呢？
我还是希望身边的人快乐。
对不起，让大家担心了。

今天走着回宿舍的路上，风又轻轻地吹起。
我停下脚步，想要静静地享受这一刻。
轻轻柔柔地，好舒服。
快乐，可以很简单；幸福，也可以那么简单。
从最简单的幸福开始，找寻自己的快乐。
一点一点地，累积着。
从身边最熟悉不过的人、事、物去感受这最平凡的感动。
看似微不足道的事情，影响力却是最大、最深的。
我，学着知足，学着珍惜，学着忍耐。

2009-02-02T19:00:00.000-08:00

其实有很多功课要做的。但是，不知不觉就来到这里了。
很久没有写东西了。因为写的都是难过的事。
拜六那天，因为他家请客，所以到他家去吃晚餐。
在那里，我看到他的她了。
幸好我的好朋友佩欣打给我，叫我和她一起吃晚餐，我才可以溜出去。
if not，i cannot take it..
驾着车的我，眼泪又莫名的流下了。
终于看到那位女主角，那个让他神魂颠倒的人，那个让他可以放弃我和他两年多的感情的人。
对啊，那样的女生，才是他的菜。
漂亮可爱，皮肤又好。那样的年龄，才适合他。

静静地走在路上，闷闷的心情。。似乎成为我的一部分了。
开心或不开心的事情，也只是浅浅地，
我想我已经习惯了吧。
我不再去寻找真正的快乐了。
只是，我的心又不见了。连思绪都乱了，没有一刻是可以专心的。

2009-01-27T08:01:00.000-08:00

新年了！好开心也好兴奋。心里都是满满的感恩。
有爸爸、妈妈、弟弟、妹妹、叔叔、婶婶、堂妹、堂弟、阿麽、姑姑、姑丈。。。
一年一次与他们相聚是我最期待不过的事了。
虽然匆忙，我还是很感恩。大家都还健康，都还过得开心快乐。
这次新年我玩得很疯。
除夕那天逛了整天的街，也玩了一整个晚上的指甲油，更从凌晨十二点开始连续放了两个小时的炮。
哇，实在满过瘾的。

我真得开心吗？
我想是吧！自己偶尔会问问自己这样的问题。
忘记一个人，非常地需要理性。
就当伤心的感觉渐渐消失的时候，只要稍微被提醒，感觉还是会回来。
但这次，我比之前更能处理自己的情绪了。

人，从熟悉到陌生，也从陌生到熟悉。
从前熟悉的人，现在陌生了。。。那种百感交集、五味杂参的感觉，我体会到了。
也有从前陌生的，变得熟悉了。。。这是一种新的感动，平凡且真实。
说我看透了吗？maybe..but who noes?
人生这一门科目总是学也学不会，学也学不完。
现在的我，说不想长大，
但更贴切地说，我只想要简简单单地。
虽然说人、真实的世界都是复杂的，
但是把一切想法都简化，就像小孩子般单纯的信念，不是很好吗？

2009-01-22T01:43:00.000-08:00

昨天我看见自己的星座了，是金牛座哦。
今年也是牛年！哇哈哈。
以前只会看orion，现在会认自己的星座了，好开心哦。
金牛座就在orion的附近，我是不知道在那一个方位啦。但是，金牛座，就是由五颗星星组成的。
这五颗星星呈一个三角形，是金牛的头。
最近天空都很清晰，都看得见很多星星。
就算认不出那一个是哪一个，但是静静地望着天空，也觉得好幸福。

2009-01-17T08:17:00.000-08:00

今天在吃午饭的时候，电话忽然传来了一封简讯。
负责人说礼拜天早上的敬拜赞美，他是主领，我是司琴。
看到他的名字，我突然全身发抖。。
这种莫名的恐惧，或许是害怕再见到他吧。
我也不知道自己是怎么了，不知不觉又发起呆来了。
我知道我不可以让自己再陷进去，但是，我的心能控制得住吗？
那一刻，我只希望陪着我的人不要那么快离开我。
我是一个很感性的人，更贴切地说，太过感性，太少理性了。这样的性格，不太好吧。

今天的风很大，天气很好，阳光很温暖。
大大的风一直吹着我，让我有一种很舒服，很宁静的感觉。
等车的时候，我听着自己喜欢可是又很悲伤的歌曲。
风依然吹着；或许是因为自己一个人，我的眼眶又湿了。

2009-01-16T09:08:00.001-08:00

因为太无聊了所以就来写写东西。
首先，要感谢大家一直以来的鼓励与陪伴。
你们的关心，我都感受到了。就算你们什么都不说，都没有提起。
这几天我的心情很意外地蛮不错了。
或许就像mafer说的，其实我已经醒了，是我自己还不知道罢了。
但是，我还是会发呆哦。要是哪一天你和我说话然后我反应又迟钝的话，请不要太见怪。
哈哈。
今天的心情比较真实了。至少好心情还可以保持得蛮久，开心的笑容也对了。
虽然偶尔想起，心还是会揪一下。但是，比之前好很多了。
明天要回去了，要见到他了。不知道再次见到他会是怎样的？还会不开心吗？
蛮担心的，怕好心情又再次被破坏。
嘿嘿，我要加油了，一定可以熬过来的！

2009-01-13T08:41:00.000-08:00

身体，是累的。
我的大腿好痛哦，右边的肩膀也是。走路的步伐，也因为这些疼痛而变慢了。
今天是这个学期第一天上课，我竟然还是在课堂上打瞌睡了。
一个又一个的project, assignment....压力倍感而来。
这个学期我可要忙了。
但是，我还是在放空的状态，发呆的状态。
似乎是为了什么而难过，但是却想不起是什么。
难道眼泪没有了，连灵魂也没有了吗？
我想要专心地读书，专心地过好每一天。
但是，我到底在想什么，连我自己也不知道。
我想要开心起来，想要跳出这些蒙蒙的感觉。
但是，我还是不知道，为什么我怎么也出不来。
是谁，是什么，到底是什么东西把我的快乐偷走了呢？
好讨厌。真的太讨厌了。
有时候真的希望有人可以打我一巴掌，还是把我摇醒，骂醒。
我再不清醒，就真的会完蛋。
在我还没有完全忘记自己是谁之前，可不可以告诉我，我到底该怎么做？
时间解决的了吗？

2009-01-12T10:03:00.000-08:00

发呆，似乎变成我的爱好了。
因为不管是在巴士上，甚至是在走路，在和人说话的时候，我都是发着呆的。
有时候，别人在我身旁说的话我都没注意到。
我好像活在自己的世界似的，身边的人、事、物好像都是透明的。
随时随地，我都可能会陷入深思当中。
开学了吗？我什么都不去管，不去想。
不是我不想，是我花太多时间发呆了。
这应该就是迷失吧。

我发现自己也变脆弱了，
被人讲一句讨厌就不开心。
唉，打起精神来吧！振作振作再振作！

2009-01-10T22:57:00.000-08:00

不是我要保持沉默，而是一切太难开口了。
或许是因为委屈都自己受，或者都用文字来表达了，
所以那些字眼，都好难从我口中脱出。
我还在摸索着，真正的我。

2009-01-10T06:06:00.000-08:00

今天的我心情又如何?
我也不知道，但是没有眼泪了。
只是走在街上，在吵闹的市区里，或是在安静的河边，我还是迷失了自己。
要开学了，我都还没有做好准备。
我的心还停留在此时此刻。
这种很不真实，很陌生的感觉，到底要到什么时候才会逝去呢？
要到什么时候，才会对这个地方熟悉呢？

2009-01-04T08:47:00.000-08:00

好想好好地发泄哦。
在家里，为了不让家人担心，不让他们知道。我连哭都不敢哭。
只能夜里偷偷地流泪。就算心中多痛苦，也不能大声哭出来。
在家人面前，我伪装我自己。
到了教会，我还是得伪装我自己。
在这里，我必须带着面具，带着笑脸面对人。
很辛苦。
尤其是当你也在的时候。
第一次发现，笑会那么地累，那么地重。
每笑一次，心中就痛一次。那不是我真心的笑容。
但如果我表露我真正的心情的话，那时候真的没有一个人敢接近我了。
你的笑，根本就是自然的。这点让我很讨厌。
为什么苦都是我受？
一句对不起也没有，关心也没有。
就留我一个人默默地受苦。
等着吧，慢慢地大家都会看清你的真面目，而远离你的。

现在的我，只想好好地大哭一场。

2009-01-02T23:48:00.000-08:00

当大家都在前进时，我却还留在原地发呆。
我应该前进的，对吗？
但是好难哦。
我要加油了。

2009-01-01T05:15:00.000-08:00

新的一年，我应该是带着新的心情过吧。
偏偏今天要和你一起过。
原以为我已经放下了，所以可以坦然地面对你，
但是为什么，你对我像对仇人一样？我没有要对你像仇人那样，但是你却句句针对我。
我告诉自己，不去想你是不是因为喜欢上什么美女而不要我。
但是，我还是一直注意着你的一举一动,看你用着两架电话，
电话也一直再响。
在车上的我，再也忍不住，偷偷流着泪。
在我前面的你，不知道吧。就算知道了，你也不会理我的。
只是，我想我真的不要出现在你面前了。
因为，有你在，我真的很难熬。
在这里，经过的每一个地方，到哪里都有和你的记忆。
我的记忆里不时会想起我们在一起的时光，的地方。
我很好奇，你就不会常常想到吗？
我真的很想离开。就算在家里，妈妈也会一直提起你。拜托你，不要一直让我听到你的名字，听到你的消息可以吗？
男生，十句话里到底有几句是真的？我还要相信你们吗？
我的梦里，都有你。你就不会梦到我吗？
我想，你会那么快把我忘了，应该是爱上了别人吧。
也对啦，我们在一起，都见不得光的。这种恋爱，有谁会谈？
我也想拥有一个被家人承认的恋情。
以前的坚持，白费也白费了。
唉，新的一年的第一天，还是流泪了。
我要找回失去的自己，要找回失去的灵魂。
可恶的你，快点从我的生活中消失吧。

我的黄色鞋子，找了好久都找不到了。
哈哈，刚好反映了我现在的情况吧。
那双鞋，就像你一样。我很喜欢，很执著。
看了这么多双鞋子，始终还是只爱那双，只要找那样款式，那样颜色的。
但是，都过了那么久了，找了这么久了，都找不到了。
就像你对我的爱，找也找不回了。
虽然昨天我终于在一间店找到了同样款式同样颜色的，但是，它并不是我那双鞋了。
那时一双陌生的鞋。和原本那双不一样了。
我嫌它畸形，不够上一双的好看。所以没买下来了。
我想，是时候看看其他的鞋，换换其他的颜色吧。
但是我的执著，还是让我只想着这双鞋。
可能有一天，会看到一双有好感的鞋吧。

全新的我

2008-12-26T23:05:00.000-08:00

十二月二十六日，是我和你正式分开的日期。
终于我勇敢地面对了你，也从你口中得到了我心中的答案。
以前的甜蜜是不会再回来了，这点我看开了。
所以从今以后的我，虽然没有了你，但是是一个全新的开始。
要适应没有你在我心中和生活里，
要适应没有你传来的手机信息的温暖，
要放开这两年一直依赖你的习惯，
以后做的每件事都不用考虑你，也不需要向你报告。
以后想念你，也只能藏在心里。
对不起，是我以前忽略了你的感受，
也对不起因为你的委屈我都视若无睹。
你说过你讨厌变成乖乖的男生,觉得那并不是你自己。
现在的你变了，更贴切的说，是你做回自己吧。
真正的你，我好不习惯，也不喜欢。或许分开也是好事吧，或许就算又再在一起，会有更多的摩擦。
因为你已经累了，不想再受束缚。
看到你现在开心的样子，我也感到欣慰。因为从前的你都是一脸忧郁，只能依赖我给你的温暖。
分手了，算是给我们彼此一个机会，去感受新的人生吧。
过去的日子，虽然艰难但也甜蜜。我们努力过，所以没有遗憾吧。
可惜的只是因为我们无法撑到最后，因为都撑了两年多了。
可惜的也是在你人生的转折点，我不能陪你一起度过。
我的心现在空空的，是时候让我用更多更美好的事去填满它了。
破碎的心，也只能待时间慢慢地冲淡。
伤心委屈，也只有让它慢慢地从我心中消失。
期待的，是美好的明天，充满未知数的将来吧。

2008-12-23T09:12:00.000-08:00

不知道为什么，自己又来到这里了。
因为想你，却不敢对你说，所以只好说给自己听，或者写在这里。
我睡不着，因为想你。
听着歌，心情也跟着悲伤起来。
试着不让自己掉入悲伤的世界里，但是真的好难好难。
从前都听别人形容自己多伤心多难过，现在我终于明白了。
虽然我们不算正式分开，但我已经感觉到分开的痛苦了。
我，爱得好深，所以放不下，所以伤心。
你呢？难道你不也是这样吗？
我的眼泪还是掉下。就算今天成绩出了，拿到不是很理想的成绩，我伤心的，似乎还是因为你。
其他的，我根本就没有感觉。
明天，后天。我都得面对你。也不知道自己是不是又带着伤心的心情回家。
但是，至少在你面前我忍住不哭了。给你看的，也只是一张落寞的脸。
我想，明天后天，我要用笑脸对你。我要开心度过圣诞。
没有你的圣诞节，只不过是少了一份礼物，少了一句圣诞节快乐。
希望我能以全新的样子，迎接你对我的冷漠。
我已经不敢想我们能不能再在一起了。
我想，当我克服了这一关，那时候你的存在，已经不再重要了吧。
我不想就这样让这段感情过去。但是如果这是唯一让彼此好过的办法，我又能做什么。又能强求什么。
我还是很想你。趁我还没放弃的时候，回过头来看我，疼我好吗？

2008-12-22T07:50:00.000-08:00

为什么在最不想见到你的时候，天天都会见到你呢。
从前想尽办法要见面。现在呢？
我不知道，想念你的心什么时候才会停止。也不知道，这个伤口什么时候才会复原。
为什么夜晚会让人那么寂寞，让人总是想起不开心的事呢。
现在你连打个招呼也没有了。
如果你真的不要我了，请告诉我一声好吗？
我很想念我以前开心的笑脸。。。我不想再受这个苦了。我的眼泪，你都不怜惜了。
你天天都有节目，都有朋友。一直都在玩。。好羡慕哦。
我连一个可以一起散心的朋友都没有。
我很好奇，你这样每天玩，真的开心吗？
我知道我必须忘掉过去，接受你已经变了的事实了。
现在的我，也只能在距离你十米的地方看着你。
今天好不容易鼓起勇气跟你说话。但是，我也知道，这样子也没什么。
深怕自己又再烦到你了。
不要问我为什么耿耿于怀，是我的心不听话。
哪一天，当我不想你，忘记你了，那一天，我的眼泪就停止了吧。

2008-12-20T08:15:00.000-08:00

眼泪又不听话地流下了。。。
原来我有在期待，见你的这一刻。
虽然知道结果，但是原来我心中是存有期待的。
昨天的我，真的很不想睡，很不想来到这一天。
很不想回家。很不想见到你。
昨晚，我很害怕。我不想一个人搭着巴士，孤独地踏上回家的路，然后孤独地面对这一切。
但是，有谁能陪我？哈哈。
这一个礼拜，应该会很难熬吧。
一身疲惫，一身伤。我真得很想跳出这一切，像你那样，天天玩，然后什么都不想。
但是，我做不到。我就是做不到。不知道为什么，也不是我不要放下。
但是就是不知道为什么，心里一直痛痛的。
这个圣诞，将会是我最难过的圣诞吧。
我已经找不到方法让自己开心了。弹琴？听歌?逛街？吃东西？
没有用。。做什么都没有用。就算在新加坡把心情调好了，回到这里还是一样。
就算半夜三更到又黑又静的地方看星星，也没有用。
就算半夜三更打球，或者绕着大学走完一圈。
就算当了一整个早上的义工，唱了一整个早上的圣诞歌。
就算一整个礼拜做了道具组的工作，去了十八个小时的训练。
就算在乌节路边欣赏圣诞灯饰边走了四公里的路。
就算夜晚独自一个人在外面等巴士，然后走过又暗又静的路。
这一切一切，好像只是擦肩而过罢了。这一切的一切，好像跟我都没有关系。
我讨厌这样，我想要享受我现在拥有的。
但是我的眼泪，把所有我身边的事物都遮住了。
我不要变得那么软弱，我要变回坚强的我。
离开我吧，让我忘了你吧。
我不想再等了。我的辛苦，你都不知道。
就算忍不住sms你了，你连一句关心的话都不会给我的。
你说要我等，我想当我等到的那一天，我已经心碎死了吧。
28号，你可能要离开了。哈哈我舍不得有什么用。
你走了，我倒觉得更好吧。
因为你出现在我眼前，对我来说是一种折磨。
眼泪啊，过了今天，就不要再流了，好吗？
我的心啊，过了今天，就不要再痛了，可以吗？

2008-12-18T08:50:00.000-08:00

这个周末回去，应该会看到你了吧。
这么久都没有你的消息了，而对你的感觉，也一直藏在我心里。
现在的我很快乐，因为有朋友陪伴。
虽然说心里还是空空的，但是我想，我还过得去。
不敢去想，见到你后会怎样。
我，已经没有期待了。
甚至希望，你不要再出现在我面前。
甚至希望，这世界上没有你这个人。
因为只要看到你，听到你的消息，有种熟悉又陌生的感觉的时候。。。
是我最痛苦的时候。
最算我和你的距离只有几厘米，你却好像已经离我好遥远了。
我宁愿，和你是普通的朋友，泛泛之交，不熟悉的朋友。
今夜的我，不想睡。因为想静静地望着美丽的天空，抓住这一刻的美丽，然后最后一次安静地想你。。。

2008-12-13T08:46:00.000-08:00

星期六的晚上，是我最想你的一天。
因为习惯了你的陪伴，所以没有你在，真的很不习惯，很不自在。
似乎少了什么，而且也空空的。。
我不是问过你，你对我的是爱，是责任，还是习惯吗？
现在想想，如果是一种习惯，那并不是什么坏事啊。。。那，是一种想念吧。

好久没看到你，也没有听到你的消息了。你就像突然间从我生命中消失一样。。。
我真的很想你。

2008-12-10T09:34:00.000-08:00

愿以为，伤心的心情已经好多了。原以为自己放下了，或者累了。
但是今天在回来新加坡的路上，我的心好沉重。
现在的你玩得很开心吧。这两天我也玩得很开心，但是还是觉得空空的，似乎少了些什么。
虽然说伤心的感觉已经少了，但是落寞还是有的。很空，很空。根本忘了自己是谁。。
似乎是因为你，我才知道自己是谁。。
现在的我，多了一分伤感与悲伤吧。不知道什么时候，我才能抛开这一切。
做一个真实的我，那个从前的我。
我还要寻找你吗？我想，我还在等吧。
其实，我现在的想法是什么连我自己也不知道。因为头脑里一片模糊地。
真的好想抛开这样的感觉，蒙蒙的，感觉很不好。

2008-12-05T02:05:00.000-08:00

今天回到宿舍了。
回到这里的心情完全不一样了。
想哭，但是不知道怎么样。
我必须忍住不哭，要坚强才对，要是真的有一天你真的离开了，我才好过。
好长好累的假期哦。。发生了这么多事情，真的好讨厌这个假期。
你说因为我们分隔两地，让你麻木了，累了。
此时的我不知不觉地讨厌这个地方。回来的路上，也没有以前的期待了。
以前因为有你的鼓励，我在这里才过得快乐。
一切都变了，我的笑容没有了。
陪着我的，是孤独，是心痛。
真的好痛。
以为回来了，可以逃避一切。
但是我一直不停地想到你。。
想到你的一切，想到你每一次给我的鼓励。
看到你以前给我鼓励的信息。。
我真的很想你。
不要在折磨我了好吗。。
我很需要你。。。

2008-12-02T22:12:00.000-08:00

想对你说的话，不知道要怎么向你说。你的心情我一直都不了解，是我后知后觉，才让你变了。
你变了，我的眼泪，你不再珍惜了。
“我们静一静吧”没想到这句话竟然从你口中说了出来。我说，我怕我们静了，就真的无法继续了。
你说，那就证明我们根本就不需要在一起了。
从前的你呢？那个死都不肯放手的你呢？那个说要一起克服困难的你呢？
对不起，我不知道，这段时间你所受的煎熬原来足以让你变成这样。这样无声地，杀死了我们。
你应该告诉我的，说你很辛苦，需要我的安慰与鼓励。
现在算什么？变了才来告诉我当时的你有多难受，但是我却不知道。
考试又怎样？我考试你就不用告诉我你的一切心情了吗？这很不公平！
我一直都以为我们很好，你很疼我我也很爱你。
我一直都以为我们的关系维持得不错。
我电话没钱了，紧张地冒着晚上独自出门的危险去进钱。也为了你每个礼拜都回来。
我的爱你有看见吗？这样的付出，你不管吗？你觉得只有你一个人付出吗？
你真的变了，我不知道为什么，一个国民服役，可以让你变这么多。
你说你突然长大了，很多事情想通了，而心，也不在我这里了。
忍了两个礼拜的不开心，回来期待你的呵护与安慰，结果呢？换来一身狼狈。
太快了，短短的两个礼拜，竟然可以让这两年对我不变的你，变了
怎么了？你累了？说好的幸福呢？
对，你说你累了。或许是我太天真了，以为我们的爱情比金真。但是我错了。
你说我回来了，疼过了，终究还是要面对我和你分隔两地的煎熬。疼来做什么？到最后让彼此更伤。想念的时候，不能直接地见到对方，也不能及时得到安慰。
你不知道吗？我选择到新加坡的另一个原因，也是因为我能常回来见你
如果我到了吉兰丹，不是更糟？还是说更好？那时候直接一了百了就行了？
我的心好痛，因为来得太突然太快了。你没给我信息的时候，我就应该察觉到的。
你们男生都一样。当联络不上你们的时候，就是有问题了。
你就好咯，还有朋友。我的朋友？哈哈朋友多，分享新事的，可以随时随地陪着我的，没有半个吧。
去了新加坡，才发现自己是多么地爱你，多么地依赖你。
习惯了你温暖地拥抱，让我动容的声音，我日想夜想的脸庞，以及那厚厚的亲切的手掌。
我珍惜，和你在一起的每份每秒。一切都那么自然，而我的心，也完完全全地交给你了。
从来没有想过，这样的变化这么快就临到。
再过十个小时，我们的冷静时间就要到了。
你的选择是什么？而我呢？到底要放手，还是继续？
我舍不得，也不想放开。但是，如果放手能好一点的话，我是不是不要再阻碍你了？
我真的很不想做选择，我只想回到从前。但是已经太迟了。该面对的，终究得面对的。
泪，我自己擦。破碎的心，也只能自己慢慢地好起来了。
或许我现在受的，和你前阵子受的是一样的吧。
你变得很自我保护了。你不在为我着想了。也对，没有人是为别人而生的。
在没有你的情况下，我应该学会坚强吧。虽然很辛苦很难受，这始终是我该面对的。
担心的，是在另一边的你。所受的挣扎不比我少吧。
我真的很爱你，从来没那么深爱过一个人，为一个人付出那么多。你是第一个，我也希望是最后一个。

yo~

2008-11-26T00:07:00.000-08:00

wah..it has been a long time since i wrote my last blog post..ehem...it's 3 years ago..wahah
u noe wat? i was laughing at my own blog wen i "reactivate" my blog again..
yup, cuz previously i've lost my account password and was soooo lazy to find out wat is it..
den my poor blog was been abandoned for such a long time..
anyway, y am i so amused by my blog?
seriously, I felt tat my english now is much more better than 3 years ago...though it's not tat GOOD now also..haha..jus take a look at the 1st line of previous blog..den u will noe wat's my standard compared to this...keke
yikes, crappy here..2 more days and my 1st finals in NUS will be over..
hmm, let me evaluate my own performance for tis sem...
1. sleep during class
2. dream during class
3. play during class
4. lazy to clarify my doubts on lectures
5. fail to do tutorial homework
6. too EN2 in hall CCAs
7. spend too much time in playing laptop
8. spend too much time hanging around
9. thought i was holidaying in NUS
10. didn't revise after every lecture
nah...it is never ending..frankly speaking my time table tis sem is damn free..
So it is so sad to do badly in my final!
watever..so i learn my lesson now..and i know the game of uni now.
but..thr's alot of things i need to improve..yikes..irritating..cant i be myself?
I was full of regretful now..and i'm a slow person, which means tat i cannot do things fast, i cannot think fast, and to produce a good performance i need a lot of time.
tat's y i can only prove my everything in my music.wahaha
piano diploma (performance) distinction, isn't it something i must be proud of?
of cuz..it's my hardwork..probably nobody noes..that i've spent 3 years of time preparing.
having lessons 3days per week during form 6 time, each day 3 hours. Holidays, nope, no holiday. Holidays is meant for other ppl. My holiday was piano lesson from monday to friday, from 8am to 1pm.scary huh?tat's y i can score something.
the essay to be handed up tat day has actually cost me a whole year writing and correcting..
so, i can say i deserve it.
BUt wat about my study here?everything is so fast in pace. thr's no such thing tat u can prepare one assignment using a whole year. 3 months, it's only the time for u to learn, digest and apply. Sure i cant follow. I'm not a genius, i'm not those ppl who are so clever and hardworking, who can catch up everything fast.
BUT I KNOW I STILL CAN DO IT
It;s hard, it's sufferring. I need to adjust my life pace, to the busy and quick pace in this world.
I felt dissappoint to myself, but wat i get today is expected. Luck does not work all the time.
I knew tat every good result is my hardwork but most importantly is given by God.
He wants me to learn, He doesnt want me be high up all the time.
We can only learn when we have nth.
Why are ppl nowadays do not believe in GOd? because they thought they hv everything.
They thought they can live very well without HIM..look at the world now. Ya it's true tat we hv everything, tat is so beneficial so advantageous for us. We live so well, thr's nth much to worry about in our live.
That's y God will take back something from us. We can only see HIM wen we've nth. Try to think about it. I admit that i only seek him wen i need to. It's really bad huh..this isn't wat He wants.
I'm grateful tat i experience something in my life now. and i noe failure is the road to success.
Thank you God, Father. =)

2005-12-30T06:29:00.000-08:00

yesterday..went 2 cs neway wif my cute cute de church friens...
met many ppl...quite enjoyable d la...
erm...saw ed n weisern lor..ed was goin 2 interview in giordano..heard tat he was employed la...dunno ler...he din tell me la..tis gor ah..wont tell me anything d la...argh...haha..dunno he still rmb me ma...yor..
go find job oso din ask me la..i think..heh relly forgot me la...n other of my friens..ermm...long time din contact le...wingee, peixin , didi, n so many many more...lOOOOONG time din C ler...izzit my prob?think so lor..cuz i oso din contact u o...erm...a bit sad la..cuz evryday at home a bit sien lor..though i went 2 piano class evryday la..but most of time still at home..quite bz...wenever u o got gathering oh..i muz having lesson d...den wen u o not having gathering oh, i'm vy free d...hmm...wat de...u o do it purposely d ha?hahaa...joking la frien...
juz tat i miss u o a lot...i noe sum of u mayb vy bz...n sum of u mayb forgotten me ler...haih..i noe d...hmm...i was ezly forgotten wan ma...
haha...ok let's tok bout yesterday...
say yinling workin at padini lor, den went2 find bk oso...he 1st day work ma..den gang gang hao i juz came out from neway at 5.30...so went 2 find him la...saw ing ying too..
at neway, met my old friens too...holylight church d...glad tat they still rmb me..quite happy d cuz we o getting vy well...evrybody's singing la..no shy shy wan...haha..though mayb sum among us not so masak...hee...
aftertat i met kenneth too...we tok a lot of things la..yum cha a while at roibo...den met a gal who ask us 2 donate la...wah u noe..vy hard 2 get her off from our sight ler...keep toking n toking..actually i dun blif her d..haha...but then kenneth oso dunno how 2 react..haha...
so we juz simply donate lor...she wan $$ ma..so juz gif her a bit la..cuz dunno she is real onot..hmm..nowadays uh, real n fake relly hard 2 differentiate..
da whole day vy happy..cuz met many friens...cuz really long time no c le..since d laz day of spm...u noe...i seldom go out la..n meet those friens...so..i was relly happy la...i like vy suagu liddat le...haha
anyway...1st of jan sum of my frien goin 2 NS le..n sum of them goin 2 college...hm..hope u all take good care of urself..i may not request u o 2 contact me..but i juz hope tat i still in ur mind..dun ever forget me k??hee...god bless ya!!! chao~

2005-12-26T07:41:00.000-08:00

sooo fast......spm over le...secondary sch life over le...christmas over le..now..new yr is coming...evryone goin 2 sch again...but i'm not...
tis hols...so many weeks...i'm bz in piano stuff...n church..christmas celebration...now i realize tat i seem cant cope da piano studies as i've plan 2 sit da exam in april next yr...
i did my work soooo slow...no improvement..no paper work..wah...wat m i doin tis few weeks?isn't it i sacrified my trip 2 concentrate in music...so y m i still sitting here...wasting time??arghhh...
11th of Dec...went 2 a camp..christian camp...like it soo much!!so enjoyable...i found myself...haha..juz cant simply forget da moment i had during da camp...i found my GOd...my holy spirit rises..haha....
da games not fun wan...but da main purpose i went 2 da camp..is 2 seek God...so..i've made it...but tis few days...i got troubles...my family got into quarrel...friens..lotsa things happen..doesnt min i've found God my life 'll b easier 2 me...NO...absolutely wrong...
i've 2 face more n more..encounter more n more prob in my life...
now da conflict..da unhappy...evrything..is so suffering..so sad...made me feel cuo4 bai4...haha...n i found tat i relly vy weak in holy spirit..i cant apply wat i've gain in my life..i haven learn 2 depend on God..pray 2 him in evrythin..u noe..in da camp i've yearn 4 evryday..keep asking da God 2 speak 2 me...u noe how much i yearn 4 it??
but me myself..do nth..i still live in tis world..pray 4 me..fellow friens...i muz b brave..i muz rely fully on God...i muz...stop myself from drowning...hmm...i muz seek God's advice...pray2 God..tell HIM my prob...ask him 2 lead my life..ask him 2 enter my life..ask him 2 speak 2 me..
haha..k..stop tis saddistic thinggie...
i met friens in dat camp..sebastian, zhen yang...surprise 2 c them..
yee ching..thx 4 evrythin..as u take good care of me..hee~
eric yong guoxi (blek)...thx 4 owaz kacau me..(is tat a gd thing or?)anyway thx 2 b my frien la..help me lotz too..
nex is zhenghao...haha..thx 4 ur care...nice 2 noe such a nice guy la..feel warm..hee
nex is liting n jasmine...hee...i noe them in da 1st day of da camp..n den we spend evry meal time together..(except 4 breakfast cuz i woke up late ma...kaka), we worship together...wah..nice 2 meet u gals too!
den is other hebron church members...such s ah yap, li fiong, ke xin, n those whose name r not mention here..
ah and a vy important prsn, Jacob!!haha...thx 4 inviting me 2 such a nice camp la..never regret it..though it's different from my church..but i enjoy it vy vy much..thx a lot!:)
k let's tok bout christmas...erm..da carolling quite fun la..but a bit tiring..jason was vy hansom tat day..haha..relly got dian4 by him la..den xmas eve quite sien d lor...cuz no countdown ma..den nth2 do..cant stay till too late oso..haih...but nvm..aftertat got ppl sms n tok in phone..den ok liao lor..
christmas tat day...quite enjoyable too..haha..morning got worship in church..da children were damn cute la..like their performance...den..got lotsa gift tis yr...jess, jason n zhenghao exchange wif me..haha..so happy..cuz got many present...but i cant forget tat christmas is a vy special day...it's not bout santa, not bout christmas tree, not bout present...it's about JESUS...his bday!!:)
hee...yesterday i receive a vy nice present..!it's from chenghao la..it's a music box tat kinda things la..but quite big lo..haha..my friens noe lor..i like music box vy much d ma..laz time they oredi gift me 1...den wen i saw chenghao's present i was like "WOW"..haa..vy happie liddat la..
den later on he told me tat da music box is vy useful wan..he said wen i;m sad, i can open da music box n listen..he said da music box dai4 biao3 him, wenever i'm sad,he'll like da music box, comfort me..n hope me get well soon..haha...i'm so touched by his word!(blek)
thx a lot frien!tat's a sincere enuf present 2 me...hee..
at nite intent 2 wac kingkong d..who noes..perling mall d cinema oso can full hse wan oh!...haha..after went 2 eat italian meal in perling..(after sum struggle)my family got a bit quarrel la..cuz sum wan2 go here, sum wan2 go thr...but da italian dish is vy nice!!especially da tiramisu...hha..nice nice...so da christmas nite quite enjoy d la..haha..
tat's all man..god bless cya

2005-11-24T05:23:00.000-08:00

hey guyz....me bac home ade...
ah ya...forgot 2 tell ya tat i went 2 stay in yinling's hse...
ya...kaka...nice la..
her hse...air-cond was on d whole day wan...haha
n den got lotsa stuff 2 eat lor...
chox...nice man..haha...but hor..i seem vy mafan la..
evrything nid yinling 2 help wan...den i oso can't help her in anything..
juz wac bside only...aha...
her pc ah...oso on d whole day lor...haha...rich man..
ermm...ok stop da crap...
wac frog turn prince le...d finale...vy zadao lor...kaka...
but i wac d special edition...bout dang ou d...vy touch le...
haih...if got sumbody love me so much den gd lor..!
haha...forget it...it's juz a dream la..in reality wont b lor...
tis kinda things only in fairy tales got...haha
relly hope dat my prince 'll appear la!!!haha...
i think i wac too much drama le..hee...kla frienz..
spm left 3 subjects only...jia you oh!! T_T god bless n study hard!!

2005-11-18T05:44:00.000-08:00

dunno y i am here...
i'm searching miracle...haa..
my mind is totally blank..
erm well...tat's a good sign..so i can read s much s possible n memorize all d books...
haa..wat a naive thinking...
i'm...lost...
wondering wat m i saying?
haha...me myself dunno it neither...
aimless life keep goin on...
study 4 exam...study study study..
dunno start from wen...i was unwilling 2 study..
start figure out d real meaning of study..
n wat i really wan2 do..
now i got a clear aim..my piano..diploma..
i love music...love 2 learn evrything about it...so courageos..
so adventurous..other den tat i dunno wat can i do..
i hate 2 study d facts..d words which is set nicely..dat we nid 2 follow it...
yeah i atmitt i like 2 follow my feelings..i dun care other ppl..
sumtimes passionate, sumtimes cold...tis is me..n..i dun really noe how 2 make friens..
4 a long time i owaz do wat i like, do wat i wan...
searching 4 my own happiness...without doubting any...dough sumtimes many decision i've struggled 4 a long time...
regret or not..2 me is no use...cuz things tat has happened..u cant change it..cant turn it bac...thr's no way bac...
i'm sorry 2 my friens...4 not goin 2 da trip...i was struggling...keep considering 4 a long time..
but i choose 2 search 4 my future...hope u all understand..
tat' vy important 2 me..n...i cant lose d chance..
i cannot waste d money tat my parents earn everyday 4 me...
i dun wan2 waste their hopes 2 me...
n sorry 2 my parents...i noe sumtimes i was rude...i was zhuai3..i was not understanding..i was cold...
i;m sorry...i noe evrytime i've hurt u...n i owaz follow wat i wan..
i din study well..din study wif 100% hardworking...
i'm sorry...i've been wasting all ur efforts...
i'll work harder n harder...
friens...u may wondering how am i now..
u hv questions in ur mind..but not dare 2 ask..rite??
i dunno or mayb u all juz dun care cuz during exam..
i seldom tell ppl bout my things..i think...
seldom share my things 2 ppl...
but sumtimes i really dun hv things 2 share wif..u noe...
my life was jus..too ordinary..evryday i was so wu2 you1 wu2 lu4...
although sumtimes 'll unhappy but a while den ok liao..
i owaz encourage myself..console myself..wenever i was upset..
so wen seeing u all again i was fine again...no point 2 tok bout sad things...
or mayb i'm jus 2 selfish..wanting 2 solve prob by myself..2 proud of myself?think too highly ? mayb..
now i'm a prsn who r seeking courage 2 carry on my way...carry on my life..
friens..if u see tis..do tell me 2 jia you..i nid ur courage..
2 face evrything...face evryone..face tis world..face d reality..
thx friens..luv u much..!muakks

2005-11-08T04:39:00.000-08:00

long time never online...haha..tis line seems repeated for umpteen tiems ade...haha..bo bian..lazy 2 write..checking mail hv ade eaten my time..2 hours..n chat wif friens...sien...
spm..start ade..2 more days 2 deal wif chinese paper..
chinese...my language...a complicated language..haha..
dun misunderstand...not i dun lyk chinese k...
it's jus..da poem or wen2 yen2 wen2 r vy hard 2 understand..
haha...y mus write things in so complicated way?it may sounds beautiful but...ppl may not understand..haha
anyway..tat's chinese's tradition ba..jus like english poem we had..or other laguages..tat's y it is called yi4 shu4...haha..
crap...me myself dunno wat m i writing..
i miss someone vy much...vy vy much...haa..foolish me..
miss da prsn lotz...hope i can post my feeling evrywer..2 let da prsn see it..haha...
friens thr...good luck 4 ur spm k?study smart n study hard! =)
god bless ya

2005-10-01T00:26:00.000-07:00

sad....sad......today vy vy sad...
i've seen so many ppl being hurt..my frien..my luv one..
n they r so deep in luv..yet they hv 2 face it..d end of relationship..
haih..so i have 2 blief tat..nth last foreva...
although i yearn 4 it..relly hard..hope tat i can hv an evr lasting relation..how i wish we can b together 4 eva..
but..
d reality is owaz opposite wif wat we think..
so...i relly dunno wat can i do liao...dunno
cherish?dun think so..maybe ba...
now relly vy sad..i dunno y..although is not me..but..
i relly feel vy sad..
take care my friens..dun hurt urself..at least thr's sumbody else who cares bout u..k?stay cute n stay cool k? god bless my frien..

2005-09-28T17:02:00.000-07:00

suddenly feel like blogging...cuz ithink i'm moody ba...
hhaa..long time nvr online liao..long time din update liao..
hee..cuz..nth 2 write about..exam..wat can write..if i write, it'll only reminds me d thousand of ques i DUNNO how 2 Do! sob sob..
anyway,d subject tat i put most effort was jus disappoint me..
haha wat m i writing..anything la..tat mins i do my chemistry paper badly..!haih..d experiment..haih..dun say liao la..i cry 4 it le..
cuz my A1 fly away..
mayb u think i'm not zhi1 zu2..but i've spend almost ALL effort in tis sub le..walau..haih dun say liao..dunno how many As i can get tis time..i think relly die liao..
ok..dun care liao..exam over le..can relax a while..
mon went 2 do my ic, aftertat went 2 jail..
wow i relly kai1 yan3 jie4...act i felt pity wif d ppl who stay in jail..dunno y..jus vy sympathy them..wen i saw d jail they live in, esp d so called "rumah akhir" (forgt d name liao)..it is built 4 d criminals who r goin 2 b "gantung" till they die..
wen i saw d rope..i relly felt a chill over my body..suddenly feel tat those ppl r relly vy sympathetic..i was thinking tat wat were their feeling wen dey staying thr..waiting 2 die..so helpless..aih..
i think tat moment they ade realize their sin ba..dunno..many gan3 chu1..
nex me n wingee them went 2 wac d documentary of rotan..
c how d criminal being beaten..n den..their buts was lyk....yikess! d 1st beat their buts ade kai1 hua1..sum ppl even cried painfully..
they cudden escape s they deserve it..but..yikes..wat a cruel scene..haih..y d punishment all so cruel d..but if we think bac..tis is wat they get after they commit crime..aih..so fellow friens..dun even think 2 do bad things uh...blekk
today..was quite moody..cuz nvr tok wif him..mayb otherppl din realize or mayb they say anything dough they noe..
duno y..recently was a bit far from him..i was angry wif him..
but on d other hand..i cant bear 2 scold him..i only ask him 2 acc me more..
mon we went sing k in redbox..i din tell him..cuz i think he defnitely wont acc me lor..so i dun wan let myself disappoint..i din tell him..n den he noe liao..ask me y dun tell him..aih..
dunno wat'll he think of me?bad?witful?
he say wan2 listen me singing..so today decide 2 go sing k again..
who noes..he reject me again..he say wanna wait 4 nex tues..ok..i hv 2 disappoint again..so i totally fed up..dough mayb i seen ok..but my heart was bleeding..dunno y..
i dun understand..he said he wun disappoint me again, he say 'll stay wif me wen i need him..lying...LYING!!all is lying...!
nex tues vy special mer..?wan me acc him?i can reject d ok?
bday liao3 bu4 qi3 ah? hg!!!
u noe..act i not so care whether he wanna acc me or wat d..
but...till now...wenever he needs me, he cum n find me..wen i need him..wer is him?haih..i feel lost..i feel our distance..how..
i realize tis is d 1st time i write a lot bout me n him...cuz i relly beh tahan..i tot tis way of together is xing2 de tong1..but i couldn't...i still need him..esp wen jas ask me wer is him...n wen she say "y he owaz din acc u de?"
yes..he's owaz not with me..acc me..u noe..i relly wish he can lyk teko liddat..i owaz hope tat we can lyk other couple, can tok a lot, can owaz together..but evryone is different..
mayb he dun lyk..ok..he lyk games more den me..ok i admitt..
so i'm more rugi..i tot he said wan2 cherish out relationship s we dunno wat'll happen tomoro...
haih..i think i;ve write too long liao..thx a lot 2 those who lend ur eyes reading my blog here..chao.. :)

2005-08-11T00:13:00.000-07:00

wow.....time flies...so fast...august liao..
me haven start studying yet..n still lepaking at here...grrr
haih...dunno wen my heart can ding4 xia4 lai2...
still playing..wac tv...rayau..laugh n laugh...is tis wat ta life i wan???i never think...i never think..i think mayb i got no a target..
so i'm dreaming now...wasting time..haih..sumone who can cum n save me??save me n bring me out of tis wondering...
hai.....someone....!!there???

friens of mine 'll b thinking...HIM le?erhem..he cant do any help 2 me lor...haha...dough i've promise him 2 study..but....haih..i broken my promise...sorry yer...!!~ =)
u noe...now my heart is jus flying la...jus trying very hard 2 pin it down..BUT.....haih..haih... haih...
many ppl say wanna c him...wan me 2 bring him 2 them..aiks..
weirdo..c photo enuff lo..hah...but cannot wor..i dun hv his photo..
erm..friens..dun worry bout me k?i think both of us is goin on steady liao...if there's no suddn change or wat..but thr's still a risk...haha..who noes?

dunno wat 2 write liao...but..i think recently my relation wif friens are getting farer n farer...hmm...dunno y..mayb evrybody's bz study or wat..or bz pat tuo..but i've ad spend most time wif friens liao..hmm..rite?jus tat sum ppl..i think our relation relly getting far n far lor..haih..very sad le..cuz i relly treasure our relation u noe..so hope tat we can like b4 la..haih...kla..tired ah..cya

2005-08-06T01:15:00.000-07:00

woah~long time din update my blog...many things happen too..but jus no time 2 write n lazy 2 write...haha
erm...recently get 2 noe eric, wen wei n cheng hao lo..
suppose 2 go hillsong concert wif them d yesterday..but...my piano teacher not encourage me go...den last week i was scolded by her ma, so jus dun wanna make her angry again...n d most important is...
I"M SICK!!haih...1 week ad..still haven recover 100..
sore throat lo...wen tues went sch, was damn xin ku la..den i noe i sleep in evry lesson, evry period...haih..wat a waste..den my throat damn pain la, head got a bit fever..den cant tok cuz throat too pain liao...den myself whole prsn like very weak..
aih...den i took mc d nex day..haah..sick is so....tong ku!!
can't laff, cant smile, can t eat tasty food...haih
i got bac my result of monthly test...u noe, all were lan4!!
many Bs n Cs lo..walau..
hope tat i rilly can find spirit2 study la..
oh ya..den d suprstar...finally till semifinal liao..very admire Kelly u noe..sing very nice but very pitchy lo..n xing hui..she got shi2 li4..but dunno...boys i prefer jun yang2...haha..he sings very nice!!!

2005-06-18T01:29:00.000-07:00

hee...today...very tired..but i'm still sitting in front of pc blogging...chatting..n most important...checkng d NS list!!
phew..i'm not one among them who hv been chosen...hee..dunno he got onot hor? hope no la..he dun wan le..
erm..wei sern, jas yeo, ed, siau huan, jye hui n many of my friens got lo..sien..haih..act i intend 2 participate d..cuz like very fun mar..den wen i noe i'm not in, a lil disappoint lo..but okla..still got other batch d..wait lo..hah
if God relly dun wanna go den i accept d fact lo.. hee
tired...very tired...since sch reopen, i din study..in a proper manner..erm mayb my classmate may c i'm hardworkin cuz i'm study bio all d time..but act, i hv wasted many many time in home...
evryday, went home, i'll bath 1st, den eat lunch, switch on tv..n den stick in d sofa..until my tuition time...geng hor?
recently lyk 2 wac a japanese drama, 3.30pm evry weekdays..but i dunno wat's d drama's name la..very nice le..
den after a whole afternoon of wacing tv..i go tuition..n d time was jus wasted..i was very guilty..but jus..lil lazy..

jus got bac my result..i got 8As!!hee quite happy d..but my moral got C..so..haih, i think i gonna 2 hv moral tuition..hee
n i'm in d 14th place..not so satisfied lo..but i hv 2 content liao lo..cuz i got tips d..n summore ques..haih..not good..do such thins..so cheap d
ermm...wat else..haih..so many things happen..n i lyk no mood liddat..can't smile a bit..but luckily i got my friens..i was happy 2 hv them v me..so i wont show a glum face in front of them..(good things or bad uh?) anyway i noe i luv them ALL>>truly deeply..they r far more important than HIM!!(shh..u guys there dun tell him k?)
haha..tat's y i still lyk 2 find frienz than HIM.. =)
jus now went piano class..suddenly got inspiration from my teacher..suddenly wanna work hard..bcuz she said she blieve i can enter U n hv a gud future...1st time..i heard she say such word..
haih u noe b4 tat i owaz very stress d..so afraid tat she might angry v me..evrytime i was very nervous d..haha..now is getting better lo..i only noe 2 play my piano well, den can impress her lo..
n act she told me many things..many tots..tat r so meaningful n important n inspire 2 carry on my study...thx lot.. =)
wah my blog like too long le..ermm..thx 4 those who is reading my blog..hope tat u can get sumthing from my blog lo..haha
i think i'll end here..cya dude..god Bless..!

2005-05-31T21:20:00.000-07:00

there's many things happen during tis hols...n after my bday...
hee...no nid 2 say, friens of mine 'll noe wat i m saying..
i noe, there's lotsa ppl toking bout me..
i wont mind, if it's me, i'll tok bout other ppl too..
at 1st, i was not sure...evryone ask me, i jus say dunno..
cuz it's very complicated...
all i wan is...peace...hope u all understand...
i'm ok...relly..if i get hurt, i'll stand up again on my own feet..
ya..i've 2 b brave, n dun worry..i noe wenever i got probs, i still hv u--->my dearest friens...i noe tat u all are owaz there 2 help me..n protect me...luv u guys.. T_T
i dun care if u r rilly thinking wat i've said..
d only thing is, i nid ur encourage...nid ur blessing..
tis blog may sounds desperate..
mayb u'll sense my depress, but my frien...tat's d path i've chosen..
d result i hv 2 face it myself....
there're many uncertainty in our life,isn't it?
if we act too careful in evrything, there's no meaning..can u say tat evrything u do is right?
is evrything u hv n u r doin now 'll gif u happiness till d end of d day?
nope rite?there's still a risk..so y dun i take d risk?
once i've tot of many things..i've tot very carefully..
but wat i get?is tat d way 2 rock our life? i think over n over again..i decide 2 take d risk..haha..i m naughty..
i dun afraid of hurts, though in my heart there's fearfulness...
All i wan is a simple,happy n naive relationship..
n i nid 2 b brave, 2 face tis n tat..n those things we can't expect..
friens cum n go, so as love..therefore, we've 2 prepare ourself..
tat's wat i think..n mayb evrything i do may hurt other ppl, m sorry..jus like wat i've said, there's many uncertainty in our life, so we mus b content, n enjoy wat we hv now..wen u're happy, jus enjoy it whole hearted..n wen u're down, cry out loud, no matter wat way, jus dun let it keep inside ur heart..forget it,n den, start a new life again, with d happy memories, n d lesson u've learnt in d bad memories..last but not least, thx 4 readin my bloggie.. T_T leave me any comments if u hv any..

2005-05-27T22:30:00.000-07:00

long time din blog liao...hee..miz here..in fact, i've pass a very long long long journey............3 weeks of setara..finally pass liao...phew~
but now think bac, can't imagine how i live d, haha, cuz it's like..erm..very suffering..everyday din sleep over 3 hours...
haiz, bo bian, me tis kinda last minute prsn is liddat d lor...aiyar, y still tok bout exam, so sao3 xing4...hee
today, last day of exam, n last day in sch..den tomoro hols liao..
happy n sad lo..act i shud b happy de...but bcoz of sumbody, den sad lo..
today is kinda sien la..morning suppose 2 do tat moral project d, but i've given up, can't concentrate..many ppl came 2 my class..so noisy..
den wok here n there, laff here n there, sien here n there wif sumbody lo..haiz..i wonder wat he is thinking>? cuz today we din relly tok much la..juz looking at each other, nth much 2 say..
last day in sch suppose 2 cherish d time mar rite?haiz..now regret oso no use lo..i think i gonna miz him lots in hols...hee
den hav my Pj paper early lo..cuz after tat we nid 2 prac choir mar..
hehe i went home le..hehe..cuz got a camp la...primary sch d..i went 2 in charge mar..
d children all very adorable lo, n cute...haha..luv them..wen they play games...wah, very happy dough i'm not playing, suddenly hope tat i can get a child to..(ehem)..dream only la..only 'll gif 1st birth @ 28 lo..i think.
den nth much 2 do la, jus sit ther, den acc d children do tis n tat, den b4 goin home we taught them do sum paper cuting lo..
tomoro still got a whole day camp la, hope it'll b fun la.. T_T
bye eevryone~god bless uh..

we did it!!

2005-04-16T02:11:00.000-07:00

i dunno how 2 say...dunno how 2 express my feeling....my mind was fill wif happines!!
" Naib Johan dimenangi oleh Sekolah menengah........tiada kebangsaan....." in d moment...i burst out tears...relly... unblievable...n i not dare 2 shout yet...bcoz...i'm still worry dat we might not b d champion......
" johan dimenangi oleh......... sekolah menengah kebangsaan SULTAN ISMAIL!!"
d moment i heard our sch's name, WE jumped up n cheering, so loud n satisfied, din bother d other ppl (jus exactly like convent last yr)
WE hug together, cry in a way of ji1 dong4...cant blive it..relly can't blive it...after 4 yrs of hard work n effort.....WE;ve achieve it!!!
we're so happy, so overjoy...yong le was crying like a baby...so funny dat stop my tears...lol..n lao lao...he cried so ji1 dong4..very touching le..evrybody was crying here n there..overjoy...u would not noe how happy r us!! i saw ms mary was happy too...ervyone of us...cudden explain clearly..wat i noe is..we r sooooooooooo excited...!
ed..he was overjoy too...he gave a hugz 2 all of us, wingee, cry like hell ah..d face all red liao...n chee hoe too, crying, jas, n evry members..only say wei lo, so brave..she's d most steady d, din cry...(^_^)
"WE R DA CHAMPION!!"dat's wat we cheering outside d hall....i was totally melt..after we shout out tis words....u noe...d feeling is so gr8...1st time, 1st time we can shout out tis phrases so loud n clear, in front of other sch!!bcoz we'r relly d champion...!!
my wish had come true..!!u noe, it's like a dream..not real..but it's true..i dunno..till now still not blief it..!lol
in d way home, all of us was extremely tired, nevertheless, we cudden sleep...we'r too happy!!we shout all d way, singing d songs, informing our frien about our victory...keep laughing, playing, foolin around....u noe...d feeling is so gr8!!!tis was d happiest day i ever had!!!tis memory...can't describe....i blive, tis memory 'll stay in my mind n my heart foreva n eva...i wont 4get it..relly...it's so precious dat i wanna keep in my heart owaz..dun let it go away...i wont let it go de...certainly not!!!
actually wanna tell u guys all about d comp d, but actually i lazy 2 write liao, so u jus likely go to yingtian's blogspot n ed's blogspot...so u 'll noe...
all i wanna say is...i relly apprecciate it, wat i get today, wat i experience today..evrybody congrates us, share joyful v us, even d teachers r overjoy too...they would not expect dat we hv such success...!!s in previous yr choir owaz get complaint....from teachers n parents...they dun mengambil berat us..but we've prove dat without any help we can stand on our own feet...!
i was proud...i was glad...i was....very very grateful...!
s we won, sch proud wif us, frien, teachers, they all r so proud v us...can't blief it...we start 2 b diambil berat s masrah said wanna sponsor costumes...haha...so happy 2 hear dat...i can oso c ms mary's joy s she keeps smiling all d time!!!lol....
i was so happy!!even now, i am so happy....haha..i wanna tell evryone in d world dat i am so happy!!i wan evryone aroung me happy too!!
i was so grateful bcoz i hv experience d joyfulness wif my dearest friens...bcoz we get d fruits from wat we've work so hard...TOGETHER
it's OUR victory!!here, i wanna thx all of u:
my dearest ms mary who owaz support us, stand our 4 us wen we went into troubles, n cares 4 us, buy lunch 4 us on dat day..!!thx!!
next is our new mc club teacher adviser---pn. lee...!!she gave us a lot of encouragement..!she gave us confidence, gave us d most precious advise,,!thx thx!!
den is wingee's teacher who had tot us d "WOOOO" thing, wif both hands raise 2 our back...haha...n spend her precious time teaching us technique...dough it's only 1 day, but i appreciate it..
n here it goes my frien, wingee, who had done many things dat we din c from our eyesight, s she cares 4 our kebajikan, n willing 2 fu4 chu4 so lot...2ndly eejie, bcoz she type so many surat kebenaran n get it 4 us (wif wingee)...thx!!!
den my dearest brother,ed...he's so talented!!u noe d harmonization is created by him...indeed a creative dir.!!n u noe d whole bass were so chu1 zhong4!!!thx 4 ur leadership..!n thx 4 willing 2 spend d time recording d minus one, willing 2 record it again n again n din blame me s i play wrongly...willing 2 move ur whole computer 2 downstairs n shocked by d electric..thx 4 evrything!!
n yingtian!!!thx 4 ur effort, willing 2 spend ur time practising choir, cheng2 shou4 ur mum's scold...thx!n thx 4 teaching us d right pronounciation....
next is lao lao!!he's d guy who'll influnce me d most..wen he cries, i cries, wen he laugh, i laugh..wen he say those touching words...i cry...wateva he says, jus gif me a lot of encouragement..he gif me a feeling dat we got hope...we'll defnitely win!!thx!!
jas, shao ni n say wei...dough we'r facing spm tis yr, bz in tuition, chinese class...all of u still coming 4 prac, willing 2 participate...i sure all of u din regrett it rite?i luv u gals..u noe..bcoz all of u willing 2 learn, owaz ask me or ed 4 d proper singin...ur actions had shwn ur passionate 2 choir!thx~
oh ya n tina...she relly inspires me alot..she shows me her impassionate 2 choir..s she's all alone wen she came 2 our sch..yet stil wiling 2 participate dough she dunno anyone of us...thx!!
kit yee, a gal who is very quiet (u'll b surprised cuz such quiet prsn oso like 2 sing!!), feng juan, a gal who show passionate 2 choir too s she never miss a prac b4, both of u r gr8!!thx a lot...
oh ya..a very important prsn i'll never forget 2 thk is our conductor---YONGLE!!!(Applause) she is stress, i noe...she's worry, i noe...all i noe, n i noe i'n giving her too much stress, but she made it..!she relly did a good job!!!relly...i saw her yong4 xin1...
thx!!
SIM....sahsiah terpuji..evrybody is shocked dat sim enter choir...haha...evrybody din expected...haha..but he's nice, wif him wif us, choir oso 'll b noticed..hee...jk..he relly very ez goin, kind n willing 2 learn..he work hard 2 overcome his prob, he gain his confidence, n now look!he've bcame 1st 6 of JB bassist..!!thx a lot..
Chee hoe, thx alot too...u've improve a lot..!n owaz there 2 help us...continue 2 shine oh!!n shijen, dough u r very naughty during prac sumtimes relly wanna smash u down! but..i noe u oso fu4 chu1 a lot...thx 4 d lunch u bot on saturday...nice man...
all of u who r not mention here...dun b sad...is not i forget u ...is bcoz u'll owaz in my heart...my gratefulness is owaz there..n u'll noe...i cannot express all my feelings here bcoz there's not enuff space...10 papers oso cudden finish...
but rmb, u r owaz my love!!muAKKSSSss...!n in my heart, u're owaz d best choir members...thx!!!!!!!
>>>We'Re da Best!!<<< ^_*
feels great....!

2005-04-02T00:21:00.000-08:00

i was suppose 2 bloggin' on last sundae..bcoz dat day i was sooo happi..!!noe wat?my daddy finally confess 2 da God!(thx god)
easter...wat a meaningful day..e pastor's speech was so great, n i think i'll rmb his word owaz..!2 my frienz who is not yet a christian (noe y i use "not yet"?coz i hope u r one of em too!) heard me out..
Jesus christ is our saviour, he died in e cross, he uses his blood 2 "wash" our sins..without him, we're not blessed..previously, we're punished by God bcos we hv sins..but thru Jesus's death, all our sins are forgiven..trust me onot?it depends on u my frien..it's a truth, no 1 bsides Jesus, who willing 2 die 4 our sins..
wen my daddy confess 2 God, i saw tears in my mum's eyes...so joyful n satisfied r us!!all of u who is a christian pls pray 4 my dad..!thx

ok..friens, tis blog 'll b freakin' long la..so if u tak tehen den u can leave de..it's ok d, i wont blame u anyway, i'll jus stop linking u only..(jus kidding =P)
29th is ed's buddae..u noe i relly xian4 mu4 him..evry1 rmb his bday n celebrate v him..yet he still told me not enuff..he still not satisfied..(wad a?)however, i think he's da most luckiest guy in d world....ya, he's blessed..i hope those who read my blog is blessed too~ (hee~)

n noe wat?choir comp is on 13th!!dat mins, it's actually on d same day s our sch's monthly test...(wat a coincidence)minus one haven do yet, n many harmony parts haven teach yet..wat a rush!!all i hope is d members can b more discipline..so i can b ezier..hehe
d whole week i was wastin my time., luffing, playin outside d classroom..haiz..me still not yet awake..still not conscouis dat spm is near..how ar?my heart jus couldn't resist..can't stop playin, freakin around, buzzin, fooling..n me n friens took many pics, at 1st is 4 moral project, den duno y later we all takin photo al around,n very excited..haha!!it's very fun..relly..
yesterdae was april fool..haha i've cheated many ppl..!!hahha included boon kith..!!haha noe y i'm so happi?bcoz usually he bully me most often! yeah..revenge ade!but still not enuf le...haha
kla, i think i'll stop d crap..planning how 2 revenge...muahahhaah

(empty)

2005-03-23T21:32:00.000-08:00

i wonder y i was here...hehe..ya...usually i wont online durin tis time de...haha..dunno la..acc i online 2 check on da "sound of mUsic" show in da explanade..went ta sistic.com check out da price lo..wah..not cheap ler..all above $60!!haiz..too bad, i'm not dat rich..haha so i'm thinkin whether goin onot...haha
today was totally sien...haha today i only got 2 period of class..dat's Bm..haha, at 1st xiao bai tol us da whole 10 period dun hv any teacher enter class.who noes, rahman waz bac..damn.haha
but he din teach oso, oral mar..haha so sien ler..no teacher, summore dun hv hw 2 do..add maths done, so i read da novel lo..
guess wat?i fall asleep..ahaha...funny..
aiyah today suppose 2 decide da tshirt thing de,den sumthin unhappy happen lo..too many opinion, tis la dat la,wah..damn irritatin'..
y mus we do till so leceh?ahaa i try 2 cheer up myself..(yea~) n cheer up wingee n ed..haha wen hv tis kinda things happen mus hv sumone zhong1 li4 de mar rite...so i try 2 tok 2 ed lo, 2 noe bout his tots, den only can solve prob mar..but he stil got class..
afterall me n wingee decided 2 ask 4 pn lee's opin...haha n at least we got our answer----tshirt wif collar!!yeah~i think we'll jus follow her instruc..only da ed lo..of cuz he'll a bit bushuang la..but hope he wont too perasan la..da collar thing, not influnce by other ppl..jus our thinking lo..coz more tidy mar..
kla..haha dunno wat m i thinkin now..empty..haha..miss a prsn but dunno who izzit..acc i was thinkin bout myself..i wonder if i hv kept myself a distance wif frens? i wish i can noe many of their things too..haha..dough we'r still very good, but seems sumthing less, honest i think..sumtimes mebbe we've too many things 2 worry, n yet we oso afraid our prob 'll burden them, so we dun telling each other much of our prob...dun u agree?mebbe all of u who read tis blog maynot understan wat i m writing..acc me myself too oso dunno wat i'm typin..kakaka..kla..quite long le tis blog..chao

tired day gain

2005-03-18T00:30:00.000-08:00

yesterday was damn tired man.....morning went ta sch 4 choir prac...no bad la da members improve a lot...den afterdat went 2 neway 2 celebrate say wei's bday...not bad oso..seldom hv tis kinda gathering..apprecciate it...den we took photo.., which had cost me RM18!!haha wat da....damn expensive lo..da photo jus same s b4 wat...
ceh...tipu-tipu punya...no wonder ed said wasting money...haha
me, jas ng n yeo bought a same ring at 4th floor...wah nice le..love shape de...nan2 de2 i can buy sumthin 4 myself...
oh ya met my cousin in da megasale place...he's working there..but he looks fatter le u noe??
after cs i straight 4ward went add math tuition..b4 dat..went ed's house..his dogs..so noisy..haha n naughty too..(jus like ed) they seems very excited 2 c me....LOL
after tuition, went ta ms yuen (piano class)n do da flour thing lo..i was scolded la...n my flour very messy, untidy lor...u noe la..i'm a very blurr prsn...often left things behind..fortunately i not like ed, owaz lost his wallet..haha..but today b4 he went down da piblic bus, he did double check his seat..hmm..not bad la ed, finally u've learn sumthing...

well...

2005-03-12T06:38:00.000-08:00

wah..today, morning after i ate my breakfast den i went 2 wet market...haha..buyinh sum ingredient 4 da dinner...ya tonite got sumthin special on...
after went home i wash da chicken myself le...haha...1ST time wor..dough very "gau wek" but haha...i mus learn mah...if 1 day nobody cook i can cook myself mar rite?
den later i watch tv, "lavender" (xun yi cao)..haha very nice lo..
my eyes cannot leave da tv ah..haha, den i jus sat there watch n watch till 1.30..2 me, it's called wasting time!!3 hours le...haha
ok stop dat crap...da main point is..tonite..
well tonite my church youth held a cooking competition..n i was da A team's leader..well we had cook small white vegetable (xiao bai cai) haha my english chap la< n chicken soup...wah very nice le..we oso won dis compeition..yeah@!!da other team cook tortoise bean (wu gui dou) n lemon sauce chicken..wah..nice too..but..yer...calories so high wor..but overall..it's nice la..evry team's dishes were tasty..
k i think i 'll stop here la..or else u'll feel hungry if i carry on introduce da dishes..kakakaka..cya

tired day..~

2005-03-12T01:09:00.000-08:00

waa..online again...lately i got fed up 2 sumbody~boon kith dat stupid guy lo...from mon 2 fri, evryday wen i saw him he'll jus step on my foot, n u noe wat, my shoes bcame black shoes ade!!!
i'll forgive him de...he keeps bullying me, yet i cannot do anythin bcoz wen i wanna revenge i'll get more hurt from him...arghhhhh!!!
today, damn..he stepped on my foot again, right side de..very painful lo until now my foot got bruises..wat de..never c a guy so violent b4...even ah teik wont do such things....wat a childish guy..
aiyah..y tok bout hin ah?!ceh..bcoz he rilly makes me angry la..
yesterday Spm results cum out, our sch was not doin well..many of da ex-student miss an A 4 da Est....evryine tot EST is ez, but look wat've been done?our sch din get da 100% pass..n only 10+ ppl get full As...haiz...
so jus pray a lot hoping dat next yr 'll b better,..
today ed 1st time went shamugam..haha, n guest wat?he sits wif gals!
bcoz guys ade no place, den he bo bian hv 2 squeeze in my table..haha
i think'll b very funny 2 c a guy among da gals group...haha..but i dunno y he can bear it la..he acts lyk nth..haha good good
he ah..recently very weird..bcos usually in pub bus he'll jus sit bside me but lately he lyk avoiding me liddat, jus dun wanna sit v me la..but i'll very sad de le...
dun tok bout tis la...n sumthing bad oso happen...chee hoe 've been robbed!!wah..dunno y nowadays very dangerous, ezly robbed...his beg n da books n notes all ade robbed by a very childish robber...haiz..
aiya mengantuk ade...gtg iao chiao

after exam...

2005-03-04T16:24:00.000-08:00

i got a long time din update my blog ade...haiz..
too bz..sumtimes very late liao so lazy 2 online...
neway, jus past my exam n i feel so release!!
haha...yar,during test i only sleep 3 hours each day!!!
cny over ade, me oso became fatter liao..quite sien de bcoz after nw yr hv 2 start study..
tis week very moody, dunno y..jus a bit moody lo..my eyes can't focus in anything, jus like thinking sumthing but actually not..
my eyes focus on nth but very far away..wat happen 2 me ah?
let's tok bout today..choir, had improved a lot, da sound of music is very nice, but there's still sumthin left, i think is "feeling"..
thx 2 ed, we got da 2nd stanza's harmony, quite nice u noe? wat a creative guy, i tot..haha
tomoro, hv 2 go jj 4 da tshirt thing lo..acc i need not 2 go de la..
bcoz i wont gif any good suggestion s i not so creative mar..
n my choice often same v wingee de, so i afraid wen ed got sum gud idea but we dun agree...kla, i'll jus follow their opinion la..haha
acc i wonder 'll ed angry v me n wingee 4 not 2 agree his idea, haha
coz sumtimes he seems qian1 jiu4 us..watever
got to go..i like my new decoration of dis blog la..thx tian!

woah!! new year!

2005-02-13T01:37:00.000-08:00

long time din update my blog...haiz...too bad...
my blog haven complete yet..very messy...
my new year..can say full of laughter n tears..
bcoz..i'm happi 2 gather wif my relatives n we had played a lot of
fire crackers...no cheating...my dad bought up 2 Rm300!!
fuh...nice man..shiok oso!
but wen my cousin went bac...evrything was diff..
i cried..bcoz of a very childish reason...
i din get my angpow which i supose 2 get...
u noe wat..my other relatives did cum 2 visit..but i was upstairs, sleeping, listening music, reading..no 1 informin me..
after they went away i onli noe..n i lost 2 angpows!!
many unhappy things bsides tis happen..
mebbe i too childish..haha
watever,
tomolo goin 2 bai nian..wif friens...hope it'll b fun la..haha

skooling....

2005-01-08T00:10:00.000-08:00

2005, form 5, 5 cerdas..wah....i like 5 tis num very much...
dunno y ler...jus like tis num...haha
i was happy bcoz same class v shihui again..!
but peixin is in 5 pintar..same v saywei n jas yeo...
wah...ac i enjoy my class last yr..got ah teik n hanling, weicong them..very fun..very nice..n leeshing them..they r nice 2 ppl..
tis yr wan...aiyor..dough noe each other but if dun hv anythin wont tok de..dunno la..mebbe is my prob lo..haha
tis yr's teacher not bad la..all gud de..no halimah,..ahaa..!
evryone dislike her..haiz..wat a...wingee n ed same class..5 gg
tis week was totally fed up!em rushing my BM project..regrett 4 not doin it during hols..haiz..it made me sleep late a whole week..
da 1st week only many works liao...ai..summore hv 2 do tis stupid stuff,
tis yr..'ll b challenging la..mon 2 fri i'll hv plenty of tuition,
kelas tambahan, chinese class, house activity...fuhh...c la wen can i bear till...haha
dough tired,,but bo bian..bcoz i em f5 ade..facing SPM..haiz..
hope can still stay alive in tis yr end..haha

wohh!!

2005-01-07T23:51:00.000-08:00

wah....finally free 2 online liao..
2005 ade, time relly flies...i oredi form 5...wah..
haha...can't stop 2 think many things..think of wat will i b after graduate..thinking of wat can i do tis yr..n thinking to study hard..
tis new yr..i din go 2 count down..but i'm happy 2 receive sumbody's msg...hehe (",)
da 1st day of 05 me n church youth had a nice barbecue wer i woke up early n went 2 wet market 2 buy ingredients..
fuh..wat an experience..after dat me n friens all day stay at church
cleaning up da ingredient..wash n cut(sounds like saloon..haha)..
n learn 2 clean chicken wings, fish n sotong..haha..
ok ok..enuff...haha..dat barcecue quite fun la..n ate a lot..haha
i think i am growing fat liao..haiz...now ade 55kg...
ah stop crappin..goin 1st..later cum bac n tell ya bout sch reopen..

wat a tired day~

2004-12-29T23:16:00.000-08:00

wah...nice 2 c my blog again!(hee~)
these 2 days...very bz...yesterday n today i went studio 2 prac
song 4 da composing competition...
wa....very tired..damn tired man..yesterday went there nth
2 do so..jus sit inside da room watching tian doin da
minus-1 stuff...
today le..morning went sch 2 buy books, den went kerrys 2 cut my
hair..(not bad la)n me n pexin n ed went up n down umpteen times doin nth jus look around...haha
den i bot my blouse 4 da comp de..it's pink in color..nice man!
afterdat me, wingee, tian n ed went 2 eat mi-huen-kueh..(yesterday we ate mi huen kueh oso!)very delicious la...yummy =p
yong thai went 2 studio oso..at 1st we all dunno wat 2 do..jus keep listening 2 da music..lookin around, but afterdat we ade tot of sum parts la...okliao lo..da parts...jus nid sum prac..
jus hope we'll succeed in da comp..
n hope evryone keep on da spirit la..nitez

tragedy of december

2004-12-27T18:40:00.000-08:00

sigh..hv u heard da new?
earthquake man..n it oredi influence msia..
da point is....many ppl died in dis terrifying tragedy..
did u see da news?da waves was so high!!
it destroyed da whole beach..it came in a sudden..nobody noes da waves'll come..
about 10thousand ppl died...wat de..
let's mourn 4 da ppl...sigh..
sum place of msia were effected...eg. penang island, langkawi oso..
let's bware in future n makes our evryday a meaningful day bcos evryday is our last day.
we wud not noe wat'll happen next..agree?
chao...

funny~

2004-12-27T17:38:00.000-08:00

halor!!i hv created a blog 4 myself...!
very happy la...
yesterday, went 2 swimming....i lurve swimming
a lot...ya...dat's fun...n it helps me keep fit la...(hee~)
dat swimming pool is in e apartment of my aunt,
her apartment jus built, n wow, i like da beautiful designed
lamp n da gate..not like my house de...ee....LOL
ok..den we ate dinner..wah..wat a feast!got prawns summore...
afterdat me n my family went perling mall 4 movies..
my family is so called "movie feverers" (LOL~) crazy uh?
we watched kungfu hustle n fuh!!super nice!!
u noe wat?...i almost laff n laff from e begining till e end!!
nah..i wanna "promote" dis movie 2 u all la..not 2 b missed..
it's relly nice la...even wen i came out from da cinema n enter car i still laffing..LOL (wat de?) n even burst out tears!!
so...enjoy da movie uh!!

testing.....

2004-12-27T03:18:00.000-08:00

nah...my 1st time 2 create tis blog...
wah very tired...online 4 hours oreadi
dunno wat time can wake up...mebbe 1pm??haha who noes?
wat i can sure is tis month's online payment goin 2 increase!
okla...nitez

~*BLeSsEd*~

害怕